The Art of Making Friends

*The art of making and being a friend~ Part 1 of 2*


As I was on the phone this evening with my BFF Jess, we were discussing the topic of this post.  I told her that I was going to post about making friends and also about being a friend. I laughed and said "Well, one is much easier and much more fun than the other." and her response was "Yes, being a friend is the easy part, I'm not good at making new friends, it's stressful!" She told me that long term relationships are so much easier for her. Yet, she knows I make friends all the time and truly enjoy it!

So, as we were chatting, I was explaining to her the connection I see between marriage and friendship, courting someone and then truly knowing them. She reminded me that she despises dating too, and is much happier with a life long commitment.  As much as I love being married and having long term friendships, I also love the excitement of new relationships and getting to know new people, it's a challenge to me, finding commonalities with others. It's so true that opposites attract. Jess is an introvert and I am an extrovert. She loves counseling, and I love sales.  So knowing that, what I may think is easy, fun and comes naturally, like making friends, I also know that it doesn't come naturally to everyone.

So, for those who struggle with it, like Jess does, remember that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. If you want new relationships in your life, if you feel like you are missing out on having multiple female friendships, someone to call your best friend or the friendships that you have are draining you and filled with drama, it can't hurt to step outside your comfort zone and make some new friends.

So, when it comes to making friends, here is what I know.

Smile, be friendly, courteous and helpful. Nobody wants to befriend a crab!!

Give yourself opportunities to be in situations to meet new people. If you always see the same people, frequent the same stores and never do anything new, it may be difficult to meet a new friend. Again, step outside your comfort zone.

Find someone that makes you smile, who seems to have a positive energy about them and introduce yourself.

Ask questions, a lot of questions... not like a job interview though, more conversational of course. People like to talk about themselves, their family, their kids, their jobs and their hobbies. The right person will follow it up by asking about you. So many people think talking is the key to relationships, it is not, listening is.

Find a commonality, something that connects you. Whether it's liking the same TV series, the same type of music, similar sports or maybe your kids were involved in the same activity, there's always something. Honestly, if there's not, it may not be the right connection.

Find out what they like to do, walking, biking, dancing, listening to live music, going to museums or sitting at a coffee shop and then offer to exchange numbers, or email addresses.

Then call them and invite them out on a friend-date! It may sound crazy, but I have done this and it works!

In my experience, this isn't something you should have to force. If you are doing all of the above and it's just not flowing, you need to know when to step back. We don't need any stalker friendships here!
As we know, not every person we dated romantically ended up in a lifetime relationship with us, that is the same with friends. One of my first posts discusses friendships, for a reason, for a season, and for a lifetime. There are also some that just may remain distant acquaintances or nothing at all, and  that's okay too.
 
As to where to find these new friends, that depends on your age, life situation, etc. It's easier if you are in school, or work outside the home because there are people everywhere for you to connect with.  If your job is being a stay at home mom, you have to be a bit more creative; talking to neighbors, or meeting other moms at the park, possibly enrolling your kiddo's in an activity or early family childhood education. I can tell you, those things are what kept me a little bit sane when my kids were little. 

The following are ways that I have met some of my closest friends.

-in school/college
-through mutual friends
-belonging to a support group
-talking while our children attended a sport
-talking while our kids were in swimming lessons
-volunteering at school functions, in the classroom
-kids were friends and spent time at each others house
-worked together
-kids were in daycare together
-volunteer at church together

The one thing that stands out to me the most is that I have had to step outside my comfort zone numerous times to meet these women. Sitting at home having a pity party wondering why your friends aren't calling wont cut it. It's time to take action!! Having kids makes it easier to find opportunities to volunteer, but it's no excuse if you don't have children. There are so many places that need a helping hand and so many groups out there to connect with others. Even Jess can step outside her comfort zone...As a matter of fact, a couple months ago she called me excitedly one night and said "You're going to be so proud of me, I made a new friend today!!" ...and I was.


That's all for now, part 2 "Being a friend" coming soon, Thanks, be blessed! ~Geli