 |
I do my best to live by these words, yet often have to remind myself of them. Especially around my youngest daughter. I would say I am a nice enough person and a good friend, yet I know my downfall is that I can be a bit judgemental, and when I hear the judgemental comments come out of my daughters mouth, I realize... "uh oh... has she learned that from me?" Then I get to remind her of Grandma's (or Thumper's) words of wisdom.
I grew up with a big family, yet not in the way that many would think. I was an only child, until my sister was born when I was thirteen years old. My parents each had three siblings, so it's not like we had a huge extended family either. What I did have though, was two more parents...four in all, while growing up, and since becoming an adult, I have acquired more. That's for another day though.
So, because I had four parents, I had four sets of grandparents, numerous aunts, uncles and cousins and an interesting family dynamic. My biological parents (my mom and dad) met in high-school. My mom and my dad's sister Jeanne, were best friends and had lockers next to each other throughout high-school. My mom spent a lot of time at my grandparents house during those years and she and my dad hit it off. They were high-school sweethearts, they went to prom together and got married right out of high-school when my dad went into the army. My mom and my aunt Jeanne became sisters and my mom also became close with her new mother in law.
Unfortunately, the marriage didn't last. I was born when my mom was 24 and my parents relationship was already rocky. They divorced about a year later. I have no recollection of them ever being together. When I was two years old, my dad met Di, who soon became my new step-mother, and shortly after, my mom met Duane, who became my step-dad. I am explaining the dynamics for a reason, what I learned, is that once you are family, you are always family... and friendship knows no separation if it's strong enough.
As long as I can remember, my mom's closest friends were my aunt Jeanne and my grandma. I remember taking trips to the lake to visit my grandparents with my mom and my aunt and it never seemed odd to me at all. The fact that my mom's two closest friends were her ex-husbands mother and sister didn't even cross my mind, it just was what it was. There was a deep bond, a closeness and a friendship that was just as thick as blood.
We hear so often that blood is thicker than water, and scientifically, yes it is. In my life though, blood is irrelevant. Family isn't about genetics to me, it's about time spent, relationships built and unconditional love. My mom and dad weren't even married a decade, yet when my grandmother took her last breath, her friend, and thirty years prior, her daughter-in-law, was there holding her hand. I never felt that my mom over stepped any boundaries, yet looking back, I am sure there was some animosity with my step-mom who was with my dad for 18 years, yet never developed that strong bond with my grandma like my mom had.
I remember, from my childhood and into my adulthood... on Christmas eve, my mom and step-dad along with my little sister, would go celebrate Christmas with my grandparents (my dad's parents) and my aunt and then afterward, go to my mom's parents home to celebrate with her biological family. Then, on Christmas day, I would go with my dad and step-mom to visit my grandparents along with the rest of the family. It was accepted, no one questioned it, there was enough love to go around.
My mom has taught me to prioritize relationships that are important to me and not let other's judgements impact who I value as a friend. I look at my mom now and am grateful that she still prioritizes her friendships. My aunt Jeanne, my mom and another girlfriend that they have had since high-school still make time for a few weekends at the lake over the summer. They have barbeques as couples, go out to dinner and movies together and enjoy each others company, forty years after their friendship began. To me, that is a definition of a successful friendship.
Recently my sister and I were talking about how much we learned from this relationship my mom always maintained with my dads family and how we never thought it odd. It was just normal. As kids we never questioned it. My sister always viewed them as her grandparents too and they treated her as such, even though there was no "blood ties" and she had a different dad. They loved and accepted my step-dad also as just an extension of the family. Only as adults can we see the beauty in it all, we now know that not everyone has the maturity to love "family" no matter the ties, whether broken or not. I am thankful for the lessons my mom has taught me about friendship and how to treat people, from Thumper's words of wisdom to teaching me by her example. I am grateful. Love ya Mom!
