Lessons from my mom on friendship...

Thumpers words of wisdom

I remember, as a little girl, no more than five years old... sitting in the living room of the house that I lived in with my mom, listening to my Bambi record and imagining what all the little critters looked like.  This quote from Thumper stood out to me as the first words of wisdom that actually made sense. To this day, given an opportunity, my mom will remind me of this wisdom as often as she see's fit.

I do my best to live by these words, yet often have to remind myself of them. Especially around my youngest daughter. I would say I am a nice enough person and a good friend, yet I know my downfall is that I can be a bit judgemental, and when I hear the judgemental comments come out of my daughters mouth, I realize... "uh oh... has she learned that from me?" Then I get to remind her of Grandma's (or Thumper's) words of wisdom.

I grew up with a big family, yet not in the way that many would think. I was an only child, until my sister was born when I was thirteen years old. My parents each had three siblings, so it's not like we had a huge extended family either. What I did have though, was two more parents...four in all, while growing up, and since becoming an adult, I have acquired more. That's for another day though.

So, because I had four parents, I had four sets of grandparents, numerous aunts, uncles and cousins and an interesting family dynamic. My biological parents (my mom and dad) met in high-school. My mom and my dad's sister Jeanne, were best friends and had lockers next to each other throughout high-school. My mom spent a lot of time at my grandparents house during those years and she and my dad hit it off. They were high-school sweethearts, they went to prom together and got married right out of high-school when my dad went into the army. My mom and my aunt Jeanne became sisters and my mom also became close with her new mother in law.

Unfortunately, the marriage didn't last. I was born when my mom was 24 and my parents relationship was already rocky. They divorced about a year later. I have no recollection of them ever being together. When I was two years old, my dad met Di, who soon became my new step-mother, and shortly after, my mom met Duane, who became my step-dad. I am explaining the dynamics for a reason, what I learned, is that once you are family, you are always family... and friendship knows no separation if it's strong enough.

As long as I can remember, my mom's closest friends were my aunt Jeanne and my grandma. I remember taking trips to the lake to visit my grandparents with my mom and my aunt and it never seemed odd to me at all. The fact that my mom's two closest friends were her ex-husbands mother and sister didn't even cross my mind, it just was what it was. There was a deep bond, a closeness and a friendship that was just as thick as blood.

We hear so often that blood is thicker than water, and scientifically, yes it is. In my life though, blood is irrelevant. Family isn't about genetics to me, it's about time spent, relationships built and unconditional love. My mom and dad weren't even married a decade, yet when my grandmother took her last breath, her friend, and thirty years prior, her daughter-in-law, was there holding her hand. I never felt that my mom over stepped any boundaries, yet looking back, I am sure there was some animosity with my step-mom who was with my dad for 18 years, yet never developed that strong bond with my grandma like my mom had.

I remember, from my childhood and into my adulthood... on Christmas eve, my mom and step-dad along with my little sister, would go celebrate Christmas with my grandparents (my dad's parents) and my aunt and then  afterward, go to my mom's parents home to celebrate with her biological family. Then, on Christmas day, I would go with my dad and step-mom to visit my grandparents along with the rest of the family. It was accepted, no one questioned it, there was enough love to go around.

My mom has taught me to prioritize relationships that are important to me and not let other's judgements impact who I value as a friend. I look at my mom now and am grateful that she still prioritizes her friendships. My aunt Jeanne, my mom and another girlfriend that they have had since high-school still make time for a few weekends at the lake over the summer. They have barbeques as couples, go out to dinner and movies together and enjoy each others company, forty years after their friendship began. To me, that is a definition of a successful friendship.

Recently my sister and I were talking about how much we learned from this relationship my mom always maintained with my dads family and how we never thought it odd. It was just normal. As kids we never questioned it. My sister always viewed them as her grandparents too and they treated her as such, even though there was no "blood ties" and she had a different dad. They loved and accepted my step-dad also as just an extension of the family.  Only as adults can we see the beauty in it all, we now know that not everyone has the maturity to love "family" no matter the ties, whether broken or not. I am thankful for the lessons my mom has taught me about friendship and how to treat people, from Thumper's words of wisdom to teaching me by her example. I am grateful. Love ya Mom!

When a couple splits up, who gains "custody" of their friends...?

While at a friends daughters wedding, I had a slap in the face realization.

When as a couple you are close friends with another couple and they split up, or divorce, more often then not, even if you aren't intentionally choosing, one of them gains "custody" of the friends.

Let me explain a bit of history on this...

About 18 years ago, when our son Coty was only five years old, his idol was the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. (yes, this is somewhat relevant) So all he wanted was to be just like them, he wanted to be a ninja. Since I wasn't a master on the subject I decided to enroll him in a local karate school, where he could learn some sweet ninja skills.

That little decision became an eight year adventure... a pretty fun one at that. About a year later, our daughter Niki decided she wanted to be a ninja too:) So be it!! Since I believe that we should be involved with our kids interests, I decided to take classes also, it became a family affair. We met some new friends at the studio, attended and participated in tournaments and learned a lot.

Within the first few months at the school, we met a couple about our age. They also had kids approximately the same age as ours, a boy and a girl. Our kids seemed to get along well and we all thought we may enjoy spending time together. We, Chris and I, (Chris mostly) are a bit rough around the edges, so after going camping with this new couple and their kids, we wondered if they thought we were a bit too goofy for them, and were worried they may not want to continue the friendship. The crazy thing was they didn't feel that way and invited us to get together again.

So, the next step was merging our new friends with some of our old friends. We were pretty sure if we hadn't scared them away on our own, this would do it!! Yet, oddly enough, they seemed to click well with our old friends and everyone got along. As a matter of fact, they had a friend who was recently divorced that they thought my be a perfect match for my then single BFF, Jess. Voila, they introduced her to the man who would eventually become her husband. All was well, we developed what you would call a lifelong friendship, or so we thought.

As the years passed, our kids grew and became involved in other sports. Their son decided to discontinue Karate and a few years later Coty did also. Baseball and Football were more appealing as they were participating with the school and neighborhood kids. We became a bit more distant and actually went a few years without talking. As our kids got older and more independent, we reconnected again and began to do murder mystery games with them and Jess and her husband. We did one at least once a year, they were always a blast!!

After years of camping trips, dinners, nights out, concerts and bonfires, many memories were made. A solid friendship had formed with the guys, who would go watch the fights together without us girls.  We had a lot of girl time too as we bonded while swimming at the lake, making our foofoo girlie drinks and gossiping about our lives, our kids, families, etc.

A few years ago, I received a call from my friend saying she had some suspicions about her husbands fidelity. They had a short separation and then seemed to work it out. A few months later, she called hysterical. He told her he was leaving her, he was in love with someone else, he wanted a divorce and was moving out. She was a mess, for close to a year. Since her kids were both adults at the time, and she didn't want to vent to them, she turned to her friends. She enjoyed spending time at the health club, getting into the best shape of her life as well as hanging out with old friends, meeting new friends and truly having the freedom that she was never "allowed" to have while she was married.

Her husband, who had also been a friend of ours for years, quit calling us, quit coming around and even when my husband, Chris, reached out to him, he didn't reciprocate. He just kind of faded out of our lives, not due to us "choosing his wife", or "taking her side" but more because he thought we judged him and chose her, so he ended up being the one to cut ties, I assume out of embarrassment or shame.

 A couple years went by and both of our daughters got engaged around the same time. We were looking forward to attending her wedding as we were excited to have their family a part of our daughters. My husband even said, "I am looking forward to seeing ***** (my friends ex-husband) and catching up, it's been so long."

Their daughters wedding was beautiful, yet oddly enough, as my husband gestured to his old friend during the ceremony, no gesture was returned. It appeared as if he didn't even know who we were. He never looked our way or made any attempt to say "hi".  During the reception, Chris intercepted him and put his hand out to shake hands and congratulate him. Our old friend gave a quick head nod and continued to walk past us, without any acknowledgment the rest of the day.

To be honest, we were both a bit floored by this behavior. Maybe we were too naive to realize there wouldn't be any animosity. There wasn't for us, so we just didn't think that there would be on his part either. We both had a hard time shaking the feeling of shock and rejection throughout that day.

Looking back on everything, if I knew what would come of my decision to support and encourage my friend during and after their divorce, I would do it all over again. As much as it saddens me that Chris has lost a friend in all of this.  I know that I have a life long soul sister and I would support her no matter what she is going through. That is what friends are for.

Since this incident, I have talked to many people with similar stories. Stories all very different, yet with the same result. All I know is that if a friendship is real, is true, and matters to you, fight for it. If not, maybe it was just meant to be for a "season" and let it go. Always hold on to the fond memories.

Friendship, like marriage... it's work!

How to... make a friend and be a friend - Part 2

As I said in part 1, in my eyes, making friends, is the fun part.. Being a friend, on the other hand is more about give and take, sacrificing time, being inconvenienced at times and being okay with it.

Girlfriends celebrating a new Marriage

 
 


I like to compare friendship to marriage. First of all, when a romantic relationship is new, many people are so giddy and head over heels that they don't see the flaws in the other person, and if they do, they seem petty or minor in the scheme of things. I believe this holds true with friendships also.

Initially, when we are getting to know someone and "courting" a new friendship, we are on our best behavior. Usually, we at least brush our hair and our teeth before meeting up for coffee with a new friend. (I would hope so anyway.)  We are also going to speak a bit more highly of ourselves and our spouses than we may if we were having a bad day and venting to a ten-year BFF.  We basically want to put ourselves in the best possible light to "attract" this friend that we are interested in having in our life.

Remember when you were dating that one special person, and you would wait for them to call, and your heart would race a bit when you heard their voice.  All the jokes that they would tell would seem hilarious and even their quirks were cute... then a few months or years later, they would pee on the toilet seat and not clean it up and you wanted to kill them.... their jokes became more irritating then funny, sometimes based on your menstrual cycle. The difference is how much of a priority we place on this relationship as to whether or not we will accept these nuances and look past them and love them anyway or decide it's not worth it. It's the same with friendships.

I know I drive my friends crazy. Some for different reasons.

I am late a lot, I can be a tiny bit judgmental.
I am way too overprotective with my kids and a worry wart.
I don't always have patience with their kids, and at times discipline them if I think it's needed.
I speak the truth even if they don't want to hear it.
I laugh too loud, I can be obsessive,
and...I can be a bit gassy. (That's just the short list)

Trust me, ask some of them, they could list off many more!! I am so thankful and so blessed that they love me anyway:)

Truth is, we all have our quirks and none of us are perfect so if we can first realize and accept that, we are on the right path.

My husband and I have been together for 21 years, married 16 of those years. Since we already know what my friends have to put up with me, you can imagine what he has had to deal with all of these years? My imperfections are many, yet amidst his frustration with them all, he is still here.  That is commitment.  We all know and appreciate the commitment of marriage, yet are we aware there is also commitment in friendship too?

 Jess and I at her wedding reception

Jess, my lifetime BFF, and I have been friends now for 27 years. Talk about commitment! We have been through good times and bad, marriage and divorce, kids and grandkids, we have dealt with each others flaws and loved each other anyway. So, I do know a little bit on the subject of friendship.

When it comes to keeping friends, here's what I know.

Even though all relationships are a two way street, never keep track who's side is cleaner... What I mean is, even though friendships are about give and take, it's not always in the same time frame. We know you have to reap to sow, but that it won't happen in the same season. Some times people are going through a life crisis, and they really need a friend to be there, to support them, hug them, and understand them. During that time in someone's life, they probably aren't going to have a lot to give back, other then their gratitude... and sometimes they may be such a mess, they're incapable of even giving that. Love them anyway, be there anyway and don't keep track.

*Relevant story- I remember when Jess and I were in high school together as young parents. I was always broke. I lived in a tiny one bedroom apartment with my son, worked part-time and was receiving some help from the county as well as some support from my parents. Needless to say, I was very very broke! I maybe had 20 dollars a month of leftover spending money on a good month, but usually nothing. Jess did it the smart way and lived with her parents throughout high school, so yes, she had bills, but also had a bit left over.

During that era, I was the mooch. I love to share food! In that era though, I usually wasn't the buyer. Many times now, I get to be! Back then, she would hide from me if she had candy and didn't want to share, but most of the time I would find her and she shared. So she got smart and started buying Twix, you know, "One for you, and one for a friend." Now, years later, that's still our thing, but usually I buy. I am sure I owe her many, but who's counting, right?


Never be exclusive, always be inclusive...
I remember back in school how the girls of a particular group wouldn't welcome a newcomer, specifically if they were deemed to be a part of another possibly "un-cool" group. I remember being that girl, being judged, and feeling awful. For some women, those experiences created walls that may never come down, and women that just quit trying to reach out. That saddens me.

Ladies at Twirl

That's not me, nor is it my group of friends. As a matter of fact, just the other day a group of us girls were getting together prior to a church function for ladies, One of our friends brought a neighbor whom we'd never met before, she was welcomed with open arms by the three of us. Shortly after, another friend mentioned she'd invited two ladies from work and was that okay... "of course" we all said and welcomed them to the table, then a co-worker of mine came to meet me and immediately everyone welcomed her and included her in the conversation. I am so proud to call these awesome ladies my friends.

It also helps all our friendships by being inclusive because we all have different groups of friends. We may have close friends at work, close family friends and friends through our spouses. There will be occasions where gatherings may overlap groups and if we keep all these women from knowing each other, we will feel pulled in a hundred directions, rather than relaxed and able to enjoy ourselves. I am blessed to say that my friend group continues to grow as I meet and connect with new ladies. I have also met some amazing friends through my friends, as they have met some through me.

Don't be petty, jealous or possessive...
This goes hand in hand with the last paragraph, because many times women are afraid of letting someone new in the group because they're afraid the new friend may be liked more and they may get pushed aside... REALLY... grow up!!  If your friendships are strong, and true, that is a non-issue!
I must admit there are times I have been guilty of this type of petty jealousy. I have dealt with it though. I have called the person and said, "I know that you didn't intentionally leave me out, but I am feeling a bit jealous." We were able to talk about it and I realized what had happened and why. It's when we don't talk about it, and we sit and stew about it that it can be a relationship destroyer.

Remember as important as our girlfriends are in our lives, we didn't marry them. Which means that we are not always the most important person in their lives, their families are. There are times that they may have to cancel plans due to a family situation. There are times they may just choose to stay home with their hubby and kids rather than have a girls night. Respect that, don't guilt trip them and support them. What goes around comes around.

When you make a commitment, follow through...
It's one thing to prioritize your family, it's another thing to never be counted on, or to have your friends expect that you won't show up, or will have another excuse when you have plans with them. I will admit, as I have gotten older, I am much more of a homebody. I would rather sit on the couch and watch another episode of something on Netflix with my family on a Friday night then get all dressed up and go dancing with the girls. Memories aren't created that way. For you to have bonding, lasting friendships you must be present. So, get off the couch and if you are invited to a girls night and you have nothing major on the calendar, say yes and then go and have an amazing time!!

Remember when we put the effort, time, energy and commitment into ANY relationship, whether it's with our spouse,  kids, parents or our friends, the relationship with flourish.

Well, there are more... but for now, here is where I will end. So until next time, be blessed~ Geli

 

The Art of Making Friends

*The art of making and being a friend~ Part 1 of 2*


As I was on the phone this evening with my BFF Jess, we were discussing the topic of this post.  I told her that I was going to post about making friends and also about being a friend. I laughed and said "Well, one is much easier and much more fun than the other." and her response was "Yes, being a friend is the easy part, I'm not good at making new friends, it's stressful!" She told me that long term relationships are so much easier for her. Yet, she knows I make friends all the time and truly enjoy it!

So, as we were chatting, I was explaining to her the connection I see between marriage and friendship, courting someone and then truly knowing them. She reminded me that she despises dating too, and is much happier with a life long commitment.  As much as I love being married and having long term friendships, I also love the excitement of new relationships and getting to know new people, it's a challenge to me, finding commonalities with others. It's so true that opposites attract. Jess is an introvert and I am an extrovert. She loves counseling, and I love sales.  So knowing that, what I may think is easy, fun and comes naturally, like making friends, I also know that it doesn't come naturally to everyone.

So, for those who struggle with it, like Jess does, remember that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. If you want new relationships in your life, if you feel like you are missing out on having multiple female friendships, someone to call your best friend or the friendships that you have are draining you and filled with drama, it can't hurt to step outside your comfort zone and make some new friends.

So, when it comes to making friends, here is what I know.

Smile, be friendly, courteous and helpful. Nobody wants to befriend a crab!!

Give yourself opportunities to be in situations to meet new people. If you always see the same people, frequent the same stores and never do anything new, it may be difficult to meet a new friend. Again, step outside your comfort zone.

Find someone that makes you smile, who seems to have a positive energy about them and introduce yourself.

Ask questions, a lot of questions... not like a job interview though, more conversational of course. People like to talk about themselves, their family, their kids, their jobs and their hobbies. The right person will follow it up by asking about you. So many people think talking is the key to relationships, it is not, listening is.

Find a commonality, something that connects you. Whether it's liking the same TV series, the same type of music, similar sports or maybe your kids were involved in the same activity, there's always something. Honestly, if there's not, it may not be the right connection.

Find out what they like to do, walking, biking, dancing, listening to live music, going to museums or sitting at a coffee shop and then offer to exchange numbers, or email addresses.

Then call them and invite them out on a friend-date! It may sound crazy, but I have done this and it works!

In my experience, this isn't something you should have to force. If you are doing all of the above and it's just not flowing, you need to know when to step back. We don't need any stalker friendships here!
As we know, not every person we dated romantically ended up in a lifetime relationship with us, that is the same with friends. One of my first posts discusses friendships, for a reason, for a season, and for a lifetime. There are also some that just may remain distant acquaintances or nothing at all, and  that's okay too.
 
As to where to find these new friends, that depends on your age, life situation, etc. It's easier if you are in school, or work outside the home because there are people everywhere for you to connect with.  If your job is being a stay at home mom, you have to be a bit more creative; talking to neighbors, or meeting other moms at the park, possibly enrolling your kiddo's in an activity or early family childhood education. I can tell you, those things are what kept me a little bit sane when my kids were little. 

The following are ways that I have met some of my closest friends.

-in school/college
-through mutual friends
-belonging to a support group
-talking while our children attended a sport
-talking while our kids were in swimming lessons
-volunteering at school functions, in the classroom
-kids were friends and spent time at each others house
-worked together
-kids were in daycare together
-volunteer at church together

The one thing that stands out to me the most is that I have had to step outside my comfort zone numerous times to meet these women. Sitting at home having a pity party wondering why your friends aren't calling wont cut it. It's time to take action!! Having kids makes it easier to find opportunities to volunteer, but it's no excuse if you don't have children. There are so many places that need a helping hand and so many groups out there to connect with others. Even Jess can step outside her comfort zone...As a matter of fact, a couple months ago she called me excitedly one night and said "You're going to be so proud of me, I made a new friend today!!" ...and I was.


That's all for now, part 2 "Being a friend" coming soon, Thanks, be blessed! ~Geli

When A Friend Becomes a Soul Sister ~ "The Story of Erin Michelle and Amber Rose"

*Thank you to my little sis, Erin Michelle, for this reader submitted Soul Sister Story*

When does a friend become a soul sister...?

 

From my experience, there is not a certain life changing event that determines this for you such as a wedding or having a child would, nor is there an “aha” moment.  You won’t be sitting at the bar or at your friend’s baby shower and suddenly realize that this friend is truly connected to you in life and no matter what happens to you, she will be there.  A friend becomes a Soul Sister unexpectedly and over time.

Unlike a fairy tale, Amber and I didn’t just have one conversation and immediately know it was "friendship at first sight". Amber and I didn’t even click right away, it took years of hanging out, loving each other, hating each other, crying together, and laughing together to build the friendship we have today.

I met Amber in band class when I was in sixth grade.  Amber played the trumpet and I played the flute.  We started a conversation by telling each other how much we both hated our band teacher in general, but specifically that day because we had to watch The Wizard of Oz in the dark and he wouldn’t let us sleep instead.  After our initial conversation, it took a few years before we became best friends and little did everyone know, they were in for big trouble!

 
 

Once we hit high school, Amber and I were inseparable.  We did everything together.  We were together so often that our own friends and families would call us by the others name (they still do today).  Looking back, Amber and I weren’t just best friends at that point in our lives, we were family.  Like many families, we had our own ways of doing things such as pressing our favorite numbers on the telephone when making promises (2 for me and 5 for Amber), going by our first and middle names, and wearing the same style clothes but in different colors.

As many teenage girls are, Amber and I were boy crazy and got into a little trouble.  I still laugh when I think about Amber telling her dad that I gave her the big hickey on her neck or when she told her mom that I gave her the condom that her parents found in her pocket.  That one actually got me into trouble because her mom called my mom and then my mom asked me why I was giving out condoms.  I gave my mom the excuse that they were handing them out at the YMCA teen night.  It wasn’t totally a lie since the YMCA did hand out condoms, but I usually didn't take them and if I did, I would blow them up like a balloon rather than give them to one of my friends.  Another time when Amber and I had boys over at her mom’s house while her mom was gone.  One of the guys was walking up the stairs with his backpack on and accidentally knocked over Amber’s mom’s shelf and broke some of her glass chickens which also resulted in breaking the pot of one of her plants.  When Amber’s mom got home, we blamed everything on their dog, Pepper.  Amber’s mom then made us re-pot the plant.  When we went into the garage to get the new pot, we accidentally broke all of the pots in the garage.  I think we laughed for over an hour about this.  We finally went inside and explained that we couldn’t find any usable pots.  Shortly afterward, I dropped the spoon while making spaghetti and Amber’s mom yelled at us “I’m done with both of you, I will be back in a few minutes” and went outside.  Looking back, I really miss those worry free and crazy days even though she made me look like I was always the one with all of the bad ideas.

As adults, Amber and my friendship has been a roller coaster.  We both have experienced so many up's and down's and have been there for each other through everything.  There were times when we were both single and more than ready to mingle, and times when we hated the other’s current boyfriend.  There were times when we were annoyed at each other and times when we had nothing but love for each other.  Amber even sent a “Don’t tell Erin I sent this to you” message on Facebook to the guy I wouldn’t shut up about. Thanks to her and my direction of course, he is my current boyfriend of two and a half years.

There was about a year though when Amber and I rarely spoke.  I was not at a good point in my life and decided that others meant more to me than any friends I had.  I had recently lost my house, along with everything else I had and was living with my parents.  I found a way to get out on my own again, but it wasn’t the right choice to make.  Instead of listening to my conscience, I did what I thought was the best decision at the time.  I lost a few friendships by making the decisions I did and that decision lead me into an even deeper black hole in life.  I remember sitting in my living room crying my eyes out because I didn’t know what my next step was going to be. I felt like I didn’t have anyone to talk to other than family, and I wanted the honest and complete truth.  I was terrified to pick up the phone and call Amber, but I did.  I left her a message that she probably couldn’t understand as I was hysterical.  She called me right back and she was brutally honest with me, but in the nicest way possible told me her opinion and what the next steps I should take were.  I knew she was right and did what I needed to do to put myself back into the best situation I could.  I am very thankful that I called her that day, because I truly believe talking to her pushed me to do what I should have done all along and that was listen to my gut.

 

 

I could literally sit at my computer all day and write a book about our friendship.  We have been through almost everything together, hard relationships, breakups, family problems, etc.  We don’t talk as much as we used to, or hang out as much for that matter, since she is a new mom and I am still adjusting to family life myself.  We also have other friendships that are just as important to us as ours is, but somehow we seem to still have a part in each other’s lives.  I still call her when I am feeling down or text her when I have good news to share and she does the same.   I am truly blessed to have Amber as a friend, as a Soul Sister, and a person to share my experiences in life with. There are no other words more powerful and better to say than thank you and I love you!

                                                                                                                 Erin Voca


*Super proud of you sis, thank you for sharing your Soul Sister story! Love ya, Geli*

Friendship... Un-cliqued

definition of:  Clique- a narrow, exclusive circle or group of persons, held together by common interests

It's perfectly normal to associate with those of a common interest, isn't it?

I would say, yes! Of course it is...

Yet, why then, is the concept of the clique so derogatory?

Back in 1985, my family and I moved. My parents sold the home that I was raised in and attended school for all of my primary years in the Camden neighborhood in North Minneapolis and bought a new home in the suburbs, Brooklyn Park, to be exact. To say that I was upset, was an understatement.

My best friend at the time and I decided we would merge all of our funds together and run away. I am not fully sure where we thought we were going to go, or truthfully how that was going to help the situation, but I do know that at the time, it sounded like a much better option than moving to the suburbs. I was 12 years old, and ready to begin Jr High school and knew 100% that I didn't want to experience that time of my life with a bunch of preppy suburban kids.

Well, I know this may be shocking, but we didn't end up running away and I did move to Brooklyn Park the summer prior to starting 7th grade. I had one friend that went to my new school so that was better than nothing and interestingly enough, I realized very quickly that it wasn't all "preppy" kids either.

Lets see... there were the jocks, the preps, the nerds, and the dirt balls. I knew where I didn't fit... but I wasn't sure where I did fit. I, unlike most teenagers didn't really care what clique people were in. I was pretty shy initially, then just talked to the kids that talked to me. I became friends with those who were nice to me and felt I had some things in common with. I did end up being a part of a clique per se, mostly based on musical taste and a style I was into. I will leave the rest a mystery!

What I have figured out as an adult about cliques, is that the negative connotation isn't the part about spending time with those of common interests. The negative part is the word exclusive. As an adult, we tell our children to be inclusive when it comes to their siblings, or neighborhood kids. We also need to remember it's okay to be inclusive with our friends, and our friends friends.

A number of years ago, a few of us girlfriends began celebrating Christmas together with our kids, and as our families grew, with our spouses and step kids. One year I wanted to invite someone new to the gathering and one of the girls was very negative about that. I believe it was out of jealousy and concern this new friend was somehow going to replace her in my life.

What I have found is that my true friends, my soul sisters don't have fear like that. They know their place in my life and I know mine in theirs. The new friendships made can enhance the others, we can create new memories while telling stories and reminiscing the old. I am blessed to say, my group of friends has continued to grow.

As I was sitting having coffee with my friend, D'Ann recently, my mind was churning with thoughts of cliques. D'Ann and I met about seven years ago while volunteering in our daughters 2nd grade classroom. Our daughters were friends and we easily became lost in conversation.  Now seven years later D'Ann and I are still good friends yet our daughters rarely talk. D'Ann's daughter Kayla is an amazing athlete! She has played for years both basketball and softball. She is extremely competitive and has a great work ethic with her sports. She dresses the part, cute and sporty. My daughter Skye is an artist, a creative soul. She is an amazingly talented writer, draws beautifully and loves music with a passion. Her sport is dance and my heart melts when I watch her dance. Her style is a bit more rock star. They are part of different cliques. Skye said to me recently how she believes that she and Kayla will reconnect as adults. She still likes Kayla, there are no hard feelings or animosity. They just run with different groups. I told D'Ann that and also that I bet if she and I were in the same grade at the same school we probably wouldn't have talked either. She was big in to softball and if a ball came at me, I would cover my eyes and duck. I would have found the guys that played in the garage band and hung out with them writing lyrics as I listened.

Yet today, while D'Ann and I sit and have coffee, a good 20 plus years out of high school, none of that matters. What we have in common now is the love for our kids and our husbands, frustrations with family drama, stories of our jobs and hopes and dreams about our futures. We sit and listen to each other, counsel each other through rough times and encourage and support each other through life's ups and downs. The fact that her passion was softball and my fear was gym class just isn't relevant in our life today. When I have gatherings at my house, D'Ann comes, has gotten to know some of my other soul sisters and is inclusive with them as they are with her.

D'Ann and I, May 2014

We all go through the teen years, and maybe dealing with the cliques is just a right of passage. I don't know... what I do know though is that it doesn't have to continue throughout our adult lives. Think of all the amazing friendships we may pass up due to some preconceived notion that we might not fit in or that due to a difference we may not get along. I say, lets find what we do have in common and go from there. Let's become un-cliqued.

Thanks for reading, be blessed.~ Geli

Keep your heart open, you're never too old to make new friends

One of my inner circle friends is Jenn. I met Jenn a few years ago (while in my late 30's)when she came in to my office for an interview. I happened to be the interviewer. Thinking back, it makes me smile... She came in and sat down in my office. I began asking the traditional questions and she began telling me her goals and dreams and plans for her life, all in her cute southern drawl. I immediately liked her energy and enthusiasm. She, like me, is a big thinker, a dreamer, and has the desire to be a world changer.

She got started with our company, and I had the privilege to be her trainer. While training her, there was a lot of one on one time that allowed us to get to know one another. One of my qualities, not quite sure if it's a good or bad one all the time, is that I am pretty much an open book. If I connect with someone, and feel I can trust them, I open up very quickly. Jenn and I both have that quality, so very quickly we knew many of each others deep dark secrets.

It was so easy to become friends with Jenn, that I forget sometimes that she is almost a decade my junior. As I am closing the gap on becoming an empty nester fairly soon, she is planning her family. We had our first grandson before they had one of their own. Jenn and her husband Jake are actually closer to our oldest kids age then mine and my husbands. Yet, the connection is so perfect, it's just not an issue. My husband, Chris is a bit tough when it comes to "couples friendships". He can be a bit reserved with opening himself up. Yet from the first time we hung out with Jenn and Jake, he liked them both! Jake and Chris have become friends and I love that!!

One of the amazing things that attracts people to Jenn is that she is a sincere giver. She gives without expectation of getting anything back. She is always willing to help. I can think of so many examples that she has honestly melted my heart with her generosity.

After being friends with Jenn for a little over a year, she called me a few nights before Christmas and asked me what I was doing, I told her I was running to Wal-Mart to pick a few things up, she said she was on her way there too and maybe we would run into each other. After shopping for a few things, we happened to be walking out together and she said, "Come here, I have something for you." I walked to her car and she pulled out a big bag and said "Merry Christmas". I knew right away what it was... a quilt. Jenn makes beautiful quilts and I was blessed with a very special one... A few months prior we were talking about Christmas traditions and I had mentioned that ever since my kids were little, we have read them the book 'T'was The Night Before Christmas' on the night before Christmas. Jenn found fabric with the entire story written out on it. She made it into an amazingly beautiful quilt that I will keep forever. The last few Christmases, we have read the quilt in lieu of the actual book as a new tradition with our Grandson.

our daughters and grandson reading the quilt

In a previous blog, I discussed party friends. Jenn is definitely one of my party friends!!  I believe anyone can show up to something major, a wedding, graduation, baby shower, bachelorette party, etc... Real friends though, come early to help, stay late to assist with the clean up, and even may be there to help plan. Shortly after meeting Jenn, we had a baby shower for our daughter, Niki. Jenn had only met her once at that time, yet, I invited her to the shower. She showed up early to help, and brought one of Niki's favorite gifts, a hand made diaper bag, in the color scheme of the nursery, that she made herself...that's putting thought into it! Since then, we have invited her to our grandsons birthdays, my sons sobriety celebration party, my 40th birthday and other gatherings....Not only have I learned that Jenn is someone that I can count on showing up, she is also someone I know will call ahead to offer to come early to help, or ask "What else do you need, is there anything you would like for me to pick up?" It is always so much appreciated. She is a true party friend!

Jenn's generosity, as I said earlier has melted my heart. About six months ago, I was going through a pretty major family crisis and had gotten into a bit of a funk. Jenn called me one day to check on me and I honestly spilled my guts. I told her I was feeling really down and hurt physically, emotionally and mentally, and all I wanted (as most women do) is a day at a spa.. a massage, facial, pedicure and manicure. I wasn't in any way seriously asking for these things, just voicing my misery and my desire.

hiking while getting spoiled at the spa

About a week later, Jenn calls me and says, I need you to give me a weekend that you can get away, for the entire weekend. Then she said, don't ask any questions, that's all I am telling you. She is kind of bossy so I did as she said. I had a sneaking suspicion that Jenn took me seriously and knowing her generosity thought maybe we were going to a hotel with a spa available. Did she ever blow me away!?!  She picked me up and couldn't contain her excitement any longer... She showed me the brochure of the place we were going. A freaking spa retreat in the middle of rural Minnesota, a place to be pampered, with yoga and fitness classes, four different spa treatments, hiking trails, with breakfast, lunch and dinner served to our liking. I have never experienced anything like that before. We had an amazing time. I was able to let go of the stress for the weekend and allow myself to be pampered. We took selfies, we giggled like little girls and were treated like princesses. I couldn't stop thanking her. I don't know if I ever will be able to thank her enough for giving me exactly what I needed at that time in my life. Someday I hope to repay her as much.

The crazy thing about Jenn is that she has said to me on numerous occasions that she doesn't feel like women like her, and that she feels judged. I just can't fathom that, unless it's out of envy or jealousy. What I see is a sweet and generous soul that wants to be treated the way she treats others. Yet, she has this tough girl persona sometimes, (I call it her hard candy shell) to protect her sincere southern sweetness. There's something about that specifically that I relate to, or connect with. I guess that is what friendship is about though, finding commonality, a true connection.

Jenn has had her share of rough times over the past few years with some pretty serious physical issues and most recently infertility issues. Ever since I met her I knew she would make an amazing mother and have prayed for their wishes to come true. After a failed attempt at IVF, hopes were down, yet she seemed to stay positive and be happy for all those around her getting pregnant and making baby shower gifts to spoil them with. I was in awe with her strength and positive outlook.

So, when I received a text after midnight one night from her a couple months ago with a pic of a positive pregnancy test, I couldn't be any happier than if it were my own!! She, more than anyone I know, deserves this blessing and I am so excited to shower her with gifts and love and parties. For those who spoil others need their time to be spoiled too!

I am so thankful that Jenn started as a work friend, became a party friend and a family friend and is now most certainly my soul sister. I adore her and am so blessed to have her in my life.

Be blessed~ Geli

It's all about who you party with!!

I have heard, and also said a few times that the friends you "party" with aren't really true friends, but mere acquaintances, or "fair weather friends".. and honestly, throughout my life I have had my share of party friends where that rings true.

Looking back, I realize that I have had many separate groups of friends, as I am sure is the case for many people. I have had neighborhood friends, work friends, school friends, theater friends, family friends, friends that I have met due to our kids being friends, and yes...party friends. Many times there was an overlap between the groups. Some of my school friends I ended up working with and even partying with.  Yet some, you just want to keep in their own special category. Not necessarily because they aren't real friends, but possibly because they may not mesh with the other groups well.  Obviously, the more overlapping one friend has, the more likely, they will become a true friend, a BFF... a soul sister.

I was thinking the other day about my current inner circle and it's interesting to me how we just connect with certain people, some over a long period of time, and some very quickly.
My inner circle is filled with a handful of interwoven relationships. These are the soul sisters that I open up to, that I call in a crisis... or if I just want to meet for coffee or a drink. These are the women that, not only would I invite to a birthday or graduation party, shower, wedding, or house warming party... they're also the ones who would be invited to "the test came back cancer-free party" or the "I don't know what to do now that I'm an empty nester" party. I believe that these ladies are my inner circle friends because they, most of them anyway, not only know of each other but have spent time with the others, due to a commonality... me. They are my friends. Some of them were friends before I came along, many of them met through me, and now are friends. That is why they are my friends...they are accepting, and welcoming, they are inclusive, not exclusive.

I have a handful of other friends, acquaintances and coworkers that I also love dearly, yet these women have a special place in my heart. They are my party friends.

In life we go though one crisis after another. I am sure you have heard the cliché that states that we are either coming out of a crisis, in the midst of one, or headed for one. Friends, our real friends are usually the ones that we celebrate with, grieve with and sometimes, just be present with and for each other.  I have attended a few close friends' "divorce papers finally signed" parties  and have also taken a friend for a "girls night out" when she found out about an untimely and very unexpected pregnancy.

Friendship isn't always convenient and there are times when all I want is to sit home and relax with my family. I am definitely not the "night on the town" girl that I once was! The thing is, sometimes it's not about how YOU feel, or how I feel... it's about making someone else feel special, and feel important. The friendships that ride the storm are the ones that are together not just during the happy times but more importantly, who stays by your side amidst your life falling apart, your own fault or not.

When my son had his two years sobriety celebration, these are the women I invited, along with family...they came to celebrate because they were there for the hard times. Our true friends are there for us in the midst of crisis, we must make sure to remember to invite them to our moments of blessing and celebration also. And always remember, convenient or not, on good hair days and bloated days, when your friends need you, when they reach out to you whether for a hug or to celebrate, memories are being made. You don't want to be remembered as the one who always bails out, or never follows through, you want to be the one that is the first on the invite list to the party! Because without you, a "my kid is finally out of diapers" party isn't a party!

Be blessed~ Geli

The "Love at First Sight" Friendship -by Kris Drew

                                                           ~ Intro by Geli ~

  Since starting the Soul Sisters Facebook page and then the blog, one of my favorite things to do is to talk to other women about their friendships. I have always been interested in the lives and relationships of others, but now more than ever, I am truly enjoying hearing these stories. One of the things that I am most excited about is getting other women to submit their Soul Sister stories. I love hearing about the chance meetings, the Divine intervention, and the beautiful relationships that are created between women and their best friends.

on a winter hike

As I have been working on Soul Sisters material, I have also been practicing what I preach; I have been prioritizing my lifelong friendships, while also working on building deeper friendships with some more recent Soul Sisters. One of my most encouraging friends in regards to my writing is my friend Kris.

Kris and I met about five years ago when our daughters were in girl scouts together. We spoke briefly in passing but remained just acquaintances for a few years. When our daughters started middle school, they became better friends and started spending more time together, which meant we saw each other more often also.  The first thing I truly loved about Kris was the way she spoke to and about my daughter. Our kids are our pride and joy, and when someone loves on them, it's hard not to like them! She made Skye feel special and loved, I could tell Skye enjoyed being around her.

Kris with our daughters at a dance competition

Our daughters started dance class together, so we would have coffee together while the girls were dancing. We really clicked, conversations were easy, without any uncomfortable silence. Kris is an amazing listener... she would ask questions and truly care about my answers. We very quickly opened up during our weekly chats and thought it would be nice to hang out more often. We chatted while walking around the lake, hung out with the girls at the beach, and then this past spring, she invited me to help out at an overnight birthday party for her daughter. The more I got to know her, the more I liked her.

Over the past year, she has become a great friend, someone that I trust, enjoy spending time with and can be myself with. I am blessed to call her my Soul Sister.

So, when she was telling me a story about how she met one of her best friends, I asked her if she would submit it as a blog entry.  So, here is our first ever, reader submitted Soul Sister story, written by my friend and soul sister, Kris Drew.

                                                  The Love at First Sight Friendship

 "Sometimes friends are by chance, sometimes friends are by circumstance and sometimes friends are by design... not ours but someone else's.  I believe God brings people in our lives for various reasons. I have one who has been in my life for 41 years, one my whole life (thank you Mom and Dad), one that was friend before becoming family and I couldn't imagine life without.  There are many stories about those three.  One was brought to me in another way.  In fact, it is going to sound corny but it was "love at first sight".

My husband and I had recently moved to our new home. We signed our middle child up for tumbling class, which we affectionately referred to as "flip and flop class".  I brought our sweet little 3 year old to class the first week.  The parents were supposed to sit quietly along the wall in the gym watching as our beloved children learned the art of the forward roll in the center of the room.  As I scanned the room, just casually looking at the other parents, my eyes focused on another mom in the room.  For some reason, I was strangely drawn to her.  The next week, I made a point to sit near her.
On a side note, my kids have said that it can be annoying how I will talk to anyone, anywhere for any reason.  I'm not sure who spoke to whom first but we started talking.  As the weeks went on, we noticed our girls were similar in behavior and we encouraged them to interact.  Both girls were incredibly shy so that was no easy feat.  Through our talks, we bonded slowly.  The first play date was arranged "for the girls".  The girls played well together but what we found between us moms, was something special.  We found in each other someone we could share time in person with at first, then phone conversations.  As the years have passed, our girls have drifted apart, still friendly, but not besties anymore.  Us moms, on the other hand, have found a friendship that is deeper and stronger than I could imagine. Ten years have passed. She is incredibly important to me and I don't want to imagine life without her. She is my confidante, seriously, we share EVERYTHING.  She is my comic relief. She is my support. She is so much more than another mom sitting across the gym. I am blessed that God brought her to me.  She is my "love at first sight" friend."



Note: If you would like to submit a soul sister story, email it to  angelik0718@gmail.com
Thank you 😃 Geli

Best Friends... They aren't just for kids!

I think so many women are put off by the "best friend" title. They think of it as a childish, immature title. Many think as an adult, " I have friends, I don't need to specify who's the best one", and I get that. I also hear, "my husband is my best friend", and I get that too, partially. My husband IS truly one of my best friends and is usually the one I am most excited to tell things to, and most often the first person I call and vent to, unless... I'm needing some support or advice that may be related to him, or something he may just not be capable of helping me through, like dealing with the effects of aging as a woman. (he just doesn't get it) but my girlfriends do... that's why they're the ones I call.

As far as the 'best friend' title, it's not necessary to have just ONE best friend and place all the others on a lower level. Quite the opposite actually... I have been blessed to have Jess in my life since childhood, she is my soul sister and my BFF. We are so close, we have become more like sisters actually and our lives and families have been enhanced with each other in them. We both welcome new girlfriends that the other brings around with open arms and acceptance. Because of the relationship we have, there is never any jealousy that we will be replaced. You can't replace a sister!!  Just because she is my lifetime BFF, it doesn't mean that we both can't have other best friends. It's not about just one, to me it's about the depth and closeness of the friendship.

We all have "friends" who aren't much more than friendly acquaintances, and some of us have good friends, but it may be missing that true heart connection, or still have some walls up. A best friend is someone you can be yourself with and they love you in spite of it. I have been speaking to women who have lost touch with the girlfriends from their youth, and the one question that I get asked over and over is..."Isn't it too late to develop a new best friend?" and my answer is always the same, NO!! It's never too late to make new friends, and over time, as those new friendships become seasoned, you may develop a best friend. We all remember the childhood song,

Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold.

I believe the message behind the song is not that your newer friends aren't ever going to be as important, instead it's a reminder not to forget those who have been by our side when we meet a new friend that we click with. In school it's so common to see girls who are BFF's with one girl for a few months, then meet another that they click with and "dump" the first friend for a new BFF. That can lead to fear of being ones self around friends or such a fear of rejection that they don't reach out at all. Unfortunately, it's a lesson we must all learn the hard way.

So whether you are young or more 'seasoned', keep your eyes open, and more than that, your heart open. You never know when or where you may meet your new friend, that may, if there's a 'soul connection' become a best friend.

This is dedicated to all my best friends, you know who you are. I love you.

Until next time, be blessed:) Geli

A little girls first best friend...

There was definitely a large age gap between us, yet that never seemed to matter to either of us. My earliest memories of her were when I was about 5 years old. We spent so much time together, it seemed we were inseparable. I could always be myself around her. I always felt safe, never judged, and definitely loved.

She was more than 50 years older than me, but she didn't act it. She never acted like I was too childish to spend time with, I think she actually enjoyed being able to play with me. I remember staying with her when I was about 5-6 years old, she treated me like I was older than I really was... She gave me credit that others didn't. She let me help her with the chores and actually acted like I was needed, I felt so special. She would let me stay up late and listen to the radio show that was on, past my bedtime, called "The Squeaking Door". I would get scared sometimes, but she'd let me cuddle up to her and I knew I was safe.

As I got older, we spent less time together...still, a week here and there. She never held it against me that I didn't come around more often. She would always let me cook with her, watch her shows with her, and we'd play games for hours. She never seemed too busy to give me her undivided attention. She would make me the dinner that I chose, with a treat and a book before bed.

When I became a teenager, she never seemed to judge me, even when everyone else did. She always seemed to find the best in me, even when I couldn't. She seemed proud of my accomplishments, yet never disappointed in my failures.

As an adult with kids of my own, she always seemed sincerely happy to hear from me. I would visit her and confide in her often. We would drink tea and I would ramble on about my life and she would listen intently. Every now and then, she told me stories of her youth, but most of the time she would ask me about my life.

Looking back I have come to realize that the reason my Grandma was such an important part of my life, is that she allowed me to be me, and loved me anyway. Unlike parents, who feel that they have to teach you a lesson in everything, and always remind you right from wrong, my Grandma was more of a friend. She spent time learning who I was, allowing me to be silly, and even sometimes naughty, without passing judgment.

My Grandma taught me many things, but here's what she taught me about friendship


1-We have two ears and one mouth for a reason, people know that you care about them when you listen more than you talk.

2- Find out what someone likes to eat and make it for them and then share it with them:)

3- Spend time interacting. Play games, laugh, talk. spend quality time enjoying each others company.

4- Care about what they care about. Ask them questions about what they are passionate about, then truly listen.

5-When someone has a bad day, allow them to vent. Then spend time with them doing something that takes their mind off what was bothering them.

6- Always seem happy to hear from your friends, they can hear it in your voice, so make the effort to smile, even if you don't feel like it.

7- Life gets busy. Don't give a friend a guilt trip because they haven't prioritized you the way you feel they ought to. Remind them by your actions why they love hanging out with you, so they want to more often.

8- Be silly together without fear of being judged, don't always act your age. Have fun!

9- Always find a reason to give a complement, but make it sincere.

10 -Relax, have a cup of tea and remember, when you get to a certain age, you can cheat when you play games and no one will hold it against you:) especially not your friends...

Thanks to both of my Grandma's for teaching about friendship
~ Geli

Soul Sisters: Naked and Vulnerable

                          Well, that got your attention, now didn't it?

Note: NONE of the posted pics are of us or anyone we know, they were found online

 I have been excited to write this since I decided to start blogging, and just wasn't sure how to go about it. Worried that some would read it and decide, "yep, I knew she was crazy" or others may worry that since they would never do something as crazy as skinny dipping that I am implying they won't ever have a real best friend... neither are true. I have found that "skinny-dipping", more recently coined as "chunky-dunking" is a great metaphor for vulnerability in friendships. 

Obviously, being naked is the most physically vulnerable situation we can be in...because, well... we are EXPOSED. For many people that is terrifying. I have had many a nightmare, even in the recent weeks that I was back in high school, standing at my locker, usually half naked, freaking out, yet wondering why more people are not noticing.

The meaning of this, according to a Dream Dictionary is: "To dream that you are naked denotes fear of being found out and exposed over your activities. You feel that you are being misjudged. or...
To dream that you suddenly discover your nudity and are trying to cover up signifies your vulnerability to a situation."

Hmmm, sounds about right, doesn't it?

As I think of my closest friendships, the ones that I can fully be myself with are those friends that have seen me at my most vulnerable or vice versa. Jess and I have been present in the room during the births of each others children. That is very vulnerable... How about being with a friend who's grieving the death of a loved one, or the loss of a marriage, they are very vulnerable. I would have to say, looking back, by sharing those moments together and getting through those situations that seem unbearable, on the other side is a stronger friendship.

Some people are so terrified of being exposed that they never allow others to see them during their dark moments. They feel that they won't be loved or accepted for who they really are, so they always hold something back in relationships. They always remain superficial. Because of that, not only can they not accept true friendship, they are also unable to be a true friend.  

My answer... you got it!! Skinny-Dipping!

I grew up going to a cabin deep in the woods, on a small, very private lake.  As a kid it was very common while at the cabin, on a hot summer day, to grab the shampoo and a bar of Ivory soap and swim out to the floating raft and take a bath. Now, to clarify, I was with my parents, and we all wore swim suits while bathing. You just wash under... you get the idea.

Then, as an older and slightly more free-spirited teenager, I would take friends to the cabin for the weekend and many hot summer days would be out on the raft sun tanning with the girls. One of these days, while washing up and jumping off the raft and swimming around, Jess and I got the crazy idea to toss our swimsuits on the raft while swimming around. Who would know, right!  Holy cow was that freeing!! It's an experience like none other. I know you are thinking, yeah, I have taken a bath before, how different can it be? Well... were you able to swim around in the bath, in water twelve feet deep, naked as the fish with only them and the birds to judge you? You are exposed, to yourself and to the elements. You feel one with nature... peaceful, yet exhilarating. It was so much fun!!

Needless to say, that wasn't the last time we went skinny-dipping. It was always just us girls and many times we would talk about feeling sad for those who have never had the opportunity to experience it. Especially at dusk, when the lake is smooth as glass and the water feels warmer than the air...on a summers eve. (no pun intended)

Well, one day while at the cabin, we announced we were going to the lake for a bath, our oldest daughters asked if they could come too. We agreed, and they came out with us. After jumping in the water they asked if they could wear "just" their life jackets... they've been skinny dipping ever since. They are both now in their 20's and have said how it's helped them be comfortable with their own bodies. My oldest daughter has said that she believes it has really helped her to have a more positive body image. My youngest daughter now comes with us (always no boys allowed) and she has shared with me how she loves the experience. 

We are not critical of each others bodies, we are not there to judge, unlike the girls locker room in high school. We are just enjoying the feeling of the sun on our bodies and the water as we swim. It's vulnerable yes, but when you trust those your with, it's freeing... it's peaceful. You are not trying to be anything or anyone other than who you are with the people who will love you anyway.

For those of you who don't have the benefit of a private lake in the woods, don't think I am encouraging you to strip down at the neighborhood pool, but maybe walk around naked when no one is home for a start. Get comfortable in your own skin, appreciate and love your body, no matter the shape or size. It may help you in more ways than you can imagine.
 
As for your friendships, these ladies hang around you for a reason, they like you... they connect with you, share with them who you really are. Sometimes that means they may catch you when you're a bit gassy... or when you have yelled at your kids to harshly. So be it, we are all human, and not one of us women is perfect.  When you notice that your friends may have faults, give them grace, who knows... as surprising as it may be, you may find that they will give you grace too, when you open up, share your self and be vulnerable, even if you don't choose to get naked. :)

Thanks and be blessed, Geli