Becoming Friends with Yourself

As I was having coffee with a fairly new soul sister, (client turned friend) she said “I have an idea for your blog.” I love that!  I have a hard enough time thinking of what to make for dinner, then I sit and stew about what readers want to hear about. Something new, something funny yet with something to learn, a moral I guess.

She then stated “How about being your own soul sister, how to be a friend to yourself.” 

Now for those of us who are extroverts and get our energy from others, we sometimes forget the importance of being a friend to ourselves. Yes, we may stay home occasionally and read, or watch a movie, or do busy work like cleaning out the junk drawer, but when was the last time you just sat quietly with your own thoughts…?

We have all heard about meditation and how good it is to do, to really get in touch with your inner self. Some say meditation is the opposite of praying, it’s sitting quietly and listening for god.

My friend talked to me about going for a walk alone, or traveling alone or even playing cards alone. (It’s called solitaire) 

I then remembered the movie,”Eat, Pray, Love” where Julia Robert’s character goes on an adventure to find herself and to regain balance in her life. When in actuality, she finds love, but it’s okay, because that wasn’t the reason for the trip I guess… and well, honestly, many women would not watch the movie if there wasn’t some kind of love interest in there, right?

So, I decided I would spend the day with myself, alone, to see if I could stand being my own friend. Here’s what I found. 

~I can do whatever I want, and don’t have to compromise… Yes!

~I can watch whatever movie I want without having to choose between the one I hate the least that my husband picked.

~I can listen to whatever radio station I like, and I can change what I like mid-song and no one will whine about it.

~I can make whatever food I like, even if it doesn’t consist of a meat, carb and veggie. I can have cereal for dinner and pizza for breakfast with a Latte.

~I don’t have to make the bed.

~I don’t care if my breath smells. I am not kissing me, ha!

~I don’t have to impress me. I realized that even though it feels good to get dressed up and go out, it’s all about my confidence around others. I am confident around myself even while wearing my crazy print pants and a flannel with no makeup and messy bun hair.

~I don’t judge me. I just judge myself based on how I perceive others will judge me. Ugh. Crazy stupid, huh?

  ~When I walk alone, I’m in competition with no one. I’m not in a hurry, I trip less and am focused more.

~I view my surroundings more and am aware of beauty more. I smell the flowers. 

The next time you have the opportunity to be alone, take some time before picking up that book or turning on that movie. Snuggle up in your favorite comfy outfit with a cup of hot cocoa, or glass of wine and watch the sunset, listen to the birds, pet your dog or cat…enjoy just being. Then you can decide if you’re the kind of friend you’d like to have. Then, feel free to numb the mind a little. Read a good book, watch a good movie and appreciate you. You completely, that’s what you are… complete.

Once we are complete, and begin to really love ourselves, we become more attractive to others.  We develop a greater confidence and are able to handle real, deep and sincere friendships. 

Until next time, be blessed. ~Geli

Girlfriends and Giggle Therapy

As I sit quietly in “my room” at my dad’s cabin a few minutes before midnight, I don’t have to strain my ears to hear the (attempting to be quiet) muffled giggles and chatter from the room adjacent mine, where my sixteen year old daughter and her BFF are staying.  I have once already asked them to try and at least giggle quieter so as to not wake up the grandparents trying to sleep upstairs.  

What is it about girls that allows them to talk and giggle for hours, without becoming bored?

Boys are so different. They will play video games for hours next to each other without much talk at all.  They will work, play sports, or even sit in a boat and fish without getting into any deep discussions. They may converse about what they are doing at the time, or what part of the lake they should go to next, but not much else. The difference truly amazes me. 

Things don’t seem to change much with age. I will still sit for hours and chat with my girlfriends, now about different things than in our youth. Whereas then, we may have talked about boys we liked, our favorite bands or our futures… now, it’s usually about our kids, our husbands, jobs, bills and family.  Yet, still… we have giggling fits, hysterical bouts of laughter, hearty belly laughs, tears streaming down our faces, all the while creating memories and loving the moment.  

We, as women are naturally more emotionally driven, with an innate need to connect on more of an intimate level with our girlfriends. We tend to sit closer, unafraid of human contact (unlike our male counterpart) when it comes to our friends.

We need to feel heard, understood and validated, which is why we need our soul sisters. Sometimes the pressure of life is just so much that an hour or two away talking over coffee, a drink, or while on a walk with a friend is worth more than an hour with a well versed therapist. 

I must admit, I do enjoy going out with a group of friends every now and then to go dancing or to a show; that is always enjoyable.  I feel though that I reap a greater benefit spending time with one or two friends, hanging out; eating, relaxing, talking and of course, giggling.

Girlfriends know that the best therapy is giggle therapy. 

Thank you, and be blessed~ Geli 

Hard Times Will Always Reveal True Friends

Have you ever been in such a funk, that not only is it hard to work and keep up with daily responsibilities, it's also hard to play?  Some days things seem so overwhelming, so completely hopeless that you want to curl up in bed and sleep, not to wake for days.  Have you ever felt so out of sorts that making dinner seems like too much work?  How, during those hard times can you actively be a friend?

Actively being a friend, means putting effort into a relationship. Yet, sometimes, that in itself seems like too much work. I understand, I have been there. I have wished a friend would call me or stop over to see how I am, yet when the phone rings, I have chosen not to answer it because I have felt too depressed to talk. 

I don't deal with clinical depression. I can't imagine how difficult that must be for those who do. I have though, dealt with life... life's good times and it's very very rough times. Times when for a few days, weeks, even months, I feel depressed, hopeless and like I have nothing to give back. Those are the times when you find out who your real friends are.

What I have found is that during these hard times, it's not just the life-long BFF's that are the only ones there for you, but those you may not yet know are your true friends. This may be their opportunity to build a stronger friendship with you. Maybe it's the acquaintance that has went through a similar situation in their life and just "gets it" and comes to offer you support or advice. Now is the time to be open, even when you want to close off. Remember, sometimes friendship is Gods will, not solely ours.

Recently, I received a phone call from an old friend needing to talk. When I called her back she filled me in on the drama going on in her life. Her timing was impeccable... we were literally experiencing a very similar crisis at the same time.  After hearing what I was going through, she invited me over for dinner and drinks.  A few days later, while I was on my way to visit her, all hell broke loose in her life. When I arrived at her house, she was a mess, in tears, and not in a place to fix dinner. I immediately went into care-taker mode and made and served her dinner, in her own house. We ate, drank, cried and eventually laughed and talked late into the night.  When I left her house I felt much better. Even though I was going through hard times myself, it felt good to be able to help her though her hard times.

I asked earlier how we can actively be a friend, especially when we don't feel as if we even have the strength to function... The answer is sometimes, we just need to allow others to be a friend to us. We have to learn to accept their friendship. We just have to learn to say "Thank you" when they stop over to bring you flowers and a hug. We need to remember to answer when they call to say hi, or respond to a sweet message of love and sunshine sent via text.

Sometimes to actively be a friend, we just need to allow ourselves to be vulnerable, and allow others to take care of us in whatever way they know how. Because someday, the tables will turn, and we will be the givers, the sunshine and flower bringers. Someday we will be the ones showing up with a hug and a coffee because we know that our friend, new... old... or life-long BFF needs us. We will be there, and we will be there without judgement because we know how it feels to have someone be there for us.


Thank you to my true friends, my old friends and new friends, my soul sisters, my sunshine senders, my prayer warriors, my heart to heart talkers, my flower and hug bringers. I love and appreciate you all.       ~Geli

First Impressions Aren't Always Correct

Some of us 'Dance Moms' during our Chicago trip

This past weekend I took a trip with my youngest daughter, her dance school and a handful of other girls and their moms. We packed about 40 females in a charter bus, along with one dad and a male bus driver and drove from Minneapolis to Chicago, a little over eight hours all said and done.  Since I have never been very involved with the "in crowd'' in school or sporting events personally, I have avoided a lot of girl drama. I somewhat expected to deal with some this weekend.

When I think of dance moms, I think of the TV reality show with the same name.  I think of bratty, spoiled little girls and moms that think their kid is the best and is owed something.  I don't think of me or my soft hearted daughter, or so many of the kind and adorable girls that we got to spend the weekend with. Yet, we were now a part of this... this life of dancers and 'dance moms'.  It was all a bit unnerving.

Since Skye's BFF and her mom would also be attending the trip, we had planned on rooming with them. My sister, her fiance' and stepdaughter would also be there, so I knew I wouldn't be alone much. What I was hoping for though, was to also connect with some of the other moms that I didn't already know and still do my best to elude any drama.

Even though, as I said, I was hoping to connect with other moms, I was also a bit judging about some of them. I had met many of them at different times, and even though it was only a few minutes here and there, I had already made some judgments. I decided who I thought was bitchy, who I viewed to be snobby, and who was or wasn't a great mom. What I learned quickly, was that my gut feelings aren't always correct.

As women, we, on occasion, become somewhat hormonal, which can definitely skew our views on situations and people. I know that I have been quick to judge women based on one or two meetings with them.  What I didn't take into consideration was that they (or I) may have been having a bad day when we met the first time and I may have inaccurately read into things.

There are moments when I am so hormonal that I can't even stand being in the same room with myself. Who's to say that upon meeting another mom that I came across as bitchy to them, even though I don't necessarily think that's how I am.

One of the ladies that was attending with her daughter happens to be an employee and mutual friend of my BFF, Jess. Jess messaged me the day before the trip and encouraged me to connect with this person. I made it a point to do so, and am so grateful that I have. We immediately clicked and I realized that we were a lot alike, that she didn't seem to have a fake bone in her body, and I truly enjoyed talking with her. We openly shared some of our personal issues, and it was easy. There was already a trust there, due to our mutual friendship in Jess. What a great way to meet new friends, on referral from other friends.

As I was meeting more and more of these ladies, I made the decision that I was going to take my own advice and make it a point to connect with as many of these ladies as I could. There were only three or four of the ladies that I didn't personally introduce myself to over the weekend, or spend time getting to know. I asked questions of these women and truly listened to their life stories. I learned about their kids and their marriages, learned about some friends that were strongly connected with each other who's daughters danced together. I learned of childhood illnesses, loss of loved ones and dietary restrictions. I learned that so many of us are going through our own issues, our own personal crisis and instead of being so critical of these women when I pass them at dance class, I was reminded that we are all pretty much the same. Were all dealing with the drama of being mothers, sisters, daughters, friends and wives.

As one of the ladies shared some of her personal life story during a casual conversation at the event,  I had a revelation...  our women's intuition, or gut feelings, or quick judgments aren't always accurate. When we meet others in a fast paced and busy environment for a few minutes, we aren't given the full opportunity to see someone for who they are, we only see them for who they appear to be at that moment.  It could have been the moment that they just lost their job, found out their child was being bullied, or their spouse was lying to them. whatever the situation, we must learn to give others grace.

I am truly grateful for this experience and am looking forward to getting to know these beautifully amazing  'dance moms' more. One piece of advice I would give to my soul sisters out there is to not be so quick to judge other women. We never know what someone is going through, so allow them room to be imperfect, as we all are, and give them a little grace. You may also need it someday.

Life and Love Lessons: Your First Soul Sister

Cabin fun on the Ice

I would assume that most women can remember their first BFF.  For me, it was Sandy Allison... We were in first grade together. We walked home together every day after school, and I remember telling her that she was my best friend. Yet, I don't remember much after that. We lost contact and I don't believe I ever saw her again.

I believe that is common for girls. Especially for those of us who make friends easily... we meet someone, we decide we like them and want to spend time with them. Then maybe we move, change schools, or classrooms and lose contact.

Do you remember, that first true soul sister...? The friend that you made, that stayed your friend even after all that usually changed things. Maybe you changed schools, but stayed in touch regularly.... I do.

I am seeing this happen with my youngest daughter, Skye, and I am in awe.  Skye is in tenth grade and has been attending school in our small town since second grade. So, for the most part, she has attended school with the same group of kids for almost a decade. She has had many girlfriends during that time. She's had a couple best friends, and one of those friendships was one she thought to be a true BFF, yet that friendship ended, and not by her choice. It was her first major loss she'd had in her life, and was very devastating to her. Yet, the friendship that unfolded next was meant to be, she found after her devastation, her soul sister, Maddy.


Skye and Maddy met in third grade, yet didn't develop a friendship until a few years later. Skye was a talker and Maddy was shy, very shy. They started sitting together at lunch when they entered middle school and along with a handful of other girls began attending birthday parties together and hanging out more at school.  A year later Skye invited Maddy to join a recreational dance class with her. You could tell their friendship was beginning to become stronger.

When Skye was in eighth grade, she began struggling a bit emotionally.  She was really having a hard time pin-pointing what the issue was though. It seemed like everything was going wrong. Friendships were changing, her interests were changing and her moods were changing. She began connecting more with new friends that seemed to be going through the same dark time as she was. Some of her older friendships seemed to be slipping away.

During that dark time in her life, she had a couple friends that stuck by her, yet some with judgement... Maddy always being there to spend time with her, without judgement, just acceptance.  I believe that's when Skye came to realize the strong bond that was forming. I still felt though, that she was holding something back. She didn't want to share too much and not be understood or validated. It took a while to really build that trust between the girls.

At the same time, Maddy's mom, Kris and I had become friends ourselves. Initially superficial, chatting while the girls hung out or while they were at dance. Very quickly though, the walls came down, and we began opening up to each other. Like daughters, like mothers, I guess.

Their love of art and Halloween collides

Over the past year, I have watched the girls relationship deepen. They're maturing into young women and their friendship is also maturing. They have their own interests, yet so many of them overlap, it's hard to tell whose is whose.  When I am out shopping with Skye, she's always looking for things that Maddy would like and often will buy something for her, just because she'd like it.

It's become common for the girls to switch weekends staying at each others houses or cabins. Kris and I laugh that it feels like we have joint custody and every other weekend visitation with the girls. They refer to each others parents as Mom and Dad no matter whose house they're at and are completely comfortable getting food from the others house when hungry. When Skye goes more than a couple days without  seeing Maddy, she will complain that she misses her.

I believe that the relationship a girl has with her BFF, her soul sister, teaches her what it's like to be in a committed adult relationship. Trust, honesty.... intimacy even.  Yet, not like that.
Have you ever hosted a sleepover with teenage girls?? Skye has had sleepovers where three girls have fallen asleep on her twin bed, snuggled up. Girls sit too close, giggle, gossip, cuddle and change clothes in front of their friends. That is how we learn honest intimacy.

They are texting all of the time, about everything and nothing. They want to hang out together, not to do anything specific, just to be together. They are protective of each other when it comes to boys especially.  I have heard Skye get angry and rant about how someone disrespected Maddy... I wouldn't have wanted to be that boy getting the wrath of an angry BFF.

As we grow up, we make many friends...some for a reason, some for a season, and some for a lifetime. I believe that first real soul sister is for a reason... to teach us how to care about someone (outside of our family) as much as ourselves, to trust someone fully, to protect someone and to love, unconditionally... this relationship teaches us to accept another person full of imperfections and irritating habits and yet still want them in our lives.

Dance Competition 2014

I also believe that first real soul sister is for a lifetime... maybe not someone we talk to everyday, but someone that we often think of, someone we can call to chat about nothing... and even after five years of not talking, we just pick up where we last were, without missing a beat.