The "Love at First Sight" Friendship -by Kris Drew

                                                           ~ Intro by Geli ~

  Since starting the Soul Sisters Facebook page and then the blog, one of my favorite things to do is to talk to other women about their friendships. I have always been interested in the lives and relationships of others, but now more than ever, I am truly enjoying hearing these stories. One of the things that I am most excited about is getting other women to submit their Soul Sister stories. I love hearing about the chance meetings, the Divine intervention, and the beautiful relationships that are created between women and their best friends.

on a winter hike

As I have been working on Soul Sisters material, I have also been practicing what I preach; I have been prioritizing my lifelong friendships, while also working on building deeper friendships with some more recent Soul Sisters. One of my most encouraging friends in regards to my writing is my friend Kris.

Kris and I met about five years ago when our daughters were in girl scouts together. We spoke briefly in passing but remained just acquaintances for a few years. When our daughters started middle school, they became better friends and started spending more time together, which meant we saw each other more often also.  The first thing I truly loved about Kris was the way she spoke to and about my daughter. Our kids are our pride and joy, and when someone loves on them, it's hard not to like them! She made Skye feel special and loved, I could tell Skye enjoyed being around her.

Kris with our daughters at a dance competition

Our daughters started dance class together, so we would have coffee together while the girls were dancing. We really clicked, conversations were easy, without any uncomfortable silence. Kris is an amazing listener... she would ask questions and truly care about my answers. We very quickly opened up during our weekly chats and thought it would be nice to hang out more often. We chatted while walking around the lake, hung out with the girls at the beach, and then this past spring, she invited me to help out at an overnight birthday party for her daughter. The more I got to know her, the more I liked her.

Over the past year, she has become a great friend, someone that I trust, enjoy spending time with and can be myself with. I am blessed to call her my Soul Sister.

So, when she was telling me a story about how she met one of her best friends, I asked her if she would submit it as a blog entry.  So, here is our first ever, reader submitted Soul Sister story, written by my friend and soul sister, Kris Drew.

                                                  The Love at First Sight Friendship

 "Sometimes friends are by chance, sometimes friends are by circumstance and sometimes friends are by design... not ours but someone else's.  I believe God brings people in our lives for various reasons. I have one who has been in my life for 41 years, one my whole life (thank you Mom and Dad), one that was friend before becoming family and I couldn't imagine life without.  There are many stories about those three.  One was brought to me in another way.  In fact, it is going to sound corny but it was "love at first sight".

My husband and I had recently moved to our new home. We signed our middle child up for tumbling class, which we affectionately referred to as "flip and flop class".  I brought our sweet little 3 year old to class the first week.  The parents were supposed to sit quietly along the wall in the gym watching as our beloved children learned the art of the forward roll in the center of the room.  As I scanned the room, just casually looking at the other parents, my eyes focused on another mom in the room.  For some reason, I was strangely drawn to her.  The next week, I made a point to sit near her.
On a side note, my kids have said that it can be annoying how I will talk to anyone, anywhere for any reason.  I'm not sure who spoke to whom first but we started talking.  As the weeks went on, we noticed our girls were similar in behavior and we encouraged them to interact.  Both girls were incredibly shy so that was no easy feat.  Through our talks, we bonded slowly.  The first play date was arranged "for the girls".  The girls played well together but what we found between us moms, was something special.  We found in each other someone we could share time in person with at first, then phone conversations.  As the years have passed, our girls have drifted apart, still friendly, but not besties anymore.  Us moms, on the other hand, have found a friendship that is deeper and stronger than I could imagine. Ten years have passed. She is incredibly important to me and I don't want to imagine life without her. She is my confidante, seriously, we share EVERYTHING.  She is my comic relief. She is my support. She is so much more than another mom sitting across the gym. I am blessed that God brought her to me.  She is my "love at first sight" friend."



Note: If you would like to submit a soul sister story, email it to  angelik0718@gmail.com
Thank you 😃 Geli

Best Friends... They aren't just for kids!

I think so many women are put off by the "best friend" title. They think of it as a childish, immature title. Many think as an adult, " I have friends, I don't need to specify who's the best one", and I get that. I also hear, "my husband is my best friend", and I get that too, partially. My husband IS truly one of my best friends and is usually the one I am most excited to tell things to, and most often the first person I call and vent to, unless... I'm needing some support or advice that may be related to him, or something he may just not be capable of helping me through, like dealing with the effects of aging as a woman. (he just doesn't get it) but my girlfriends do... that's why they're the ones I call.

As far as the 'best friend' title, it's not necessary to have just ONE best friend and place all the others on a lower level. Quite the opposite actually... I have been blessed to have Jess in my life since childhood, she is my soul sister and my BFF. We are so close, we have become more like sisters actually and our lives and families have been enhanced with each other in them. We both welcome new girlfriends that the other brings around with open arms and acceptance. Because of the relationship we have, there is never any jealousy that we will be replaced. You can't replace a sister!!  Just because she is my lifetime BFF, it doesn't mean that we both can't have other best friends. It's not about just one, to me it's about the depth and closeness of the friendship.

We all have "friends" who aren't much more than friendly acquaintances, and some of us have good friends, but it may be missing that true heart connection, or still have some walls up. A best friend is someone you can be yourself with and they love you in spite of it. I have been speaking to women who have lost touch with the girlfriends from their youth, and the one question that I get asked over and over is..."Isn't it too late to develop a new best friend?" and my answer is always the same, NO!! It's never too late to make new friends, and over time, as those new friendships become seasoned, you may develop a best friend. We all remember the childhood song,

Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold.

I believe the message behind the song is not that your newer friends aren't ever going to be as important, instead it's a reminder not to forget those who have been by our side when we meet a new friend that we click with. In school it's so common to see girls who are BFF's with one girl for a few months, then meet another that they click with and "dump" the first friend for a new BFF. That can lead to fear of being ones self around friends or such a fear of rejection that they don't reach out at all. Unfortunately, it's a lesson we must all learn the hard way.

So whether you are young or more 'seasoned', keep your eyes open, and more than that, your heart open. You never know when or where you may meet your new friend, that may, if there's a 'soul connection' become a best friend.

This is dedicated to all my best friends, you know who you are. I love you.

Until next time, be blessed:) Geli

A little girls first best friend...

There was definitely a large age gap between us, yet that never seemed to matter to either of us. My earliest memories of her were when I was about 5 years old. We spent so much time together, it seemed we were inseparable. I could always be myself around her. I always felt safe, never judged, and definitely loved.

She was more than 50 years older than me, but she didn't act it. She never acted like I was too childish to spend time with, I think she actually enjoyed being able to play with me. I remember staying with her when I was about 5-6 years old, she treated me like I was older than I really was... She gave me credit that others didn't. She let me help her with the chores and actually acted like I was needed, I felt so special. She would let me stay up late and listen to the radio show that was on, past my bedtime, called "The Squeaking Door". I would get scared sometimes, but she'd let me cuddle up to her and I knew I was safe.

As I got older, we spent less time together...still, a week here and there. She never held it against me that I didn't come around more often. She would always let me cook with her, watch her shows with her, and we'd play games for hours. She never seemed too busy to give me her undivided attention. She would make me the dinner that I chose, with a treat and a book before bed.

When I became a teenager, she never seemed to judge me, even when everyone else did. She always seemed to find the best in me, even when I couldn't. She seemed proud of my accomplishments, yet never disappointed in my failures.

As an adult with kids of my own, she always seemed sincerely happy to hear from me. I would visit her and confide in her often. We would drink tea and I would ramble on about my life and she would listen intently. Every now and then, she told me stories of her youth, but most of the time she would ask me about my life.

Looking back I have come to realize that the reason my Grandma was such an important part of my life, is that she allowed me to be me, and loved me anyway. Unlike parents, who feel that they have to teach you a lesson in everything, and always remind you right from wrong, my Grandma was more of a friend. She spent time learning who I was, allowing me to be silly, and even sometimes naughty, without passing judgment.

My Grandma taught me many things, but here's what she taught me about friendship


1-We have two ears and one mouth for a reason, people know that you care about them when you listen more than you talk.

2- Find out what someone likes to eat and make it for them and then share it with them:)

3- Spend time interacting. Play games, laugh, talk. spend quality time enjoying each others company.

4- Care about what they care about. Ask them questions about what they are passionate about, then truly listen.

5-When someone has a bad day, allow them to vent. Then spend time with them doing something that takes their mind off what was bothering them.

6- Always seem happy to hear from your friends, they can hear it in your voice, so make the effort to smile, even if you don't feel like it.

7- Life gets busy. Don't give a friend a guilt trip because they haven't prioritized you the way you feel they ought to. Remind them by your actions why they love hanging out with you, so they want to more often.

8- Be silly together without fear of being judged, don't always act your age. Have fun!

9- Always find a reason to give a complement, but make it sincere.

10 -Relax, have a cup of tea and remember, when you get to a certain age, you can cheat when you play games and no one will hold it against you:) especially not your friends...

Thanks to both of my Grandma's for teaching about friendship
~ Geli

Soul Sisters: Naked and Vulnerable

                          Well, that got your attention, now didn't it?

Note: NONE of the posted pics are of us or anyone we know, they were found online

 I have been excited to write this since I decided to start blogging, and just wasn't sure how to go about it. Worried that some would read it and decide, "yep, I knew she was crazy" or others may worry that since they would never do something as crazy as skinny dipping that I am implying they won't ever have a real best friend... neither are true. I have found that "skinny-dipping", more recently coined as "chunky-dunking" is a great metaphor for vulnerability in friendships. 

Obviously, being naked is the most physically vulnerable situation we can be in...because, well... we are EXPOSED. For many people that is terrifying. I have had many a nightmare, even in the recent weeks that I was back in high school, standing at my locker, usually half naked, freaking out, yet wondering why more people are not noticing.

The meaning of this, according to a Dream Dictionary is: "To dream that you are naked denotes fear of being found out and exposed over your activities. You feel that you are being misjudged. or...
To dream that you suddenly discover your nudity and are trying to cover up signifies your vulnerability to a situation."

Hmmm, sounds about right, doesn't it?

As I think of my closest friendships, the ones that I can fully be myself with are those friends that have seen me at my most vulnerable or vice versa. Jess and I have been present in the room during the births of each others children. That is very vulnerable... How about being with a friend who's grieving the death of a loved one, or the loss of a marriage, they are very vulnerable. I would have to say, looking back, by sharing those moments together and getting through those situations that seem unbearable, on the other side is a stronger friendship.

Some people are so terrified of being exposed that they never allow others to see them during their dark moments. They feel that they won't be loved or accepted for who they really are, so they always hold something back in relationships. They always remain superficial. Because of that, not only can they not accept true friendship, they are also unable to be a true friend.  

My answer... you got it!! Skinny-Dipping!

I grew up going to a cabin deep in the woods, on a small, very private lake.  As a kid it was very common while at the cabin, on a hot summer day, to grab the shampoo and a bar of Ivory soap and swim out to the floating raft and take a bath. Now, to clarify, I was with my parents, and we all wore swim suits while bathing. You just wash under... you get the idea.

Then, as an older and slightly more free-spirited teenager, I would take friends to the cabin for the weekend and many hot summer days would be out on the raft sun tanning with the girls. One of these days, while washing up and jumping off the raft and swimming around, Jess and I got the crazy idea to toss our swimsuits on the raft while swimming around. Who would know, right!  Holy cow was that freeing!! It's an experience like none other. I know you are thinking, yeah, I have taken a bath before, how different can it be? Well... were you able to swim around in the bath, in water twelve feet deep, naked as the fish with only them and the birds to judge you? You are exposed, to yourself and to the elements. You feel one with nature... peaceful, yet exhilarating. It was so much fun!!

Needless to say, that wasn't the last time we went skinny-dipping. It was always just us girls and many times we would talk about feeling sad for those who have never had the opportunity to experience it. Especially at dusk, when the lake is smooth as glass and the water feels warmer than the air...on a summers eve. (no pun intended)

Well, one day while at the cabin, we announced we were going to the lake for a bath, our oldest daughters asked if they could come too. We agreed, and they came out with us. After jumping in the water they asked if they could wear "just" their life jackets... they've been skinny dipping ever since. They are both now in their 20's and have said how it's helped them be comfortable with their own bodies. My oldest daughter has said that she believes it has really helped her to have a more positive body image. My youngest daughter now comes with us (always no boys allowed) and she has shared with me how she loves the experience. 

We are not critical of each others bodies, we are not there to judge, unlike the girls locker room in high school. We are just enjoying the feeling of the sun on our bodies and the water as we swim. It's vulnerable yes, but when you trust those your with, it's freeing... it's peaceful. You are not trying to be anything or anyone other than who you are with the people who will love you anyway.

For those of you who don't have the benefit of a private lake in the woods, don't think I am encouraging you to strip down at the neighborhood pool, but maybe walk around naked when no one is home for a start. Get comfortable in your own skin, appreciate and love your body, no matter the shape or size. It may help you in more ways than you can imagine.
 
As for your friendships, these ladies hang around you for a reason, they like you... they connect with you, share with them who you really are. Sometimes that means they may catch you when you're a bit gassy... or when you have yelled at your kids to harshly. So be it, we are all human, and not one of us women is perfect.  When you notice that your friends may have faults, give them grace, who knows... as surprising as it may be, you may find that they will give you grace too, when you open up, share your self and be vulnerable, even if you don't choose to get naked. :)

Thanks and be blessed, Geli

 

 

 

 

 

 

Soul Sisters: Through Heartache and Happiness

Shawn, Niki, Geli, Deb and Jess ~August 2013




It’s obvious to me that Shawn and I were meant to be “Soul Sisters”.  I honestly believe we were destined to be friends.



About 16 years ago, I showed up to volunteer at my step-daughter, Niki’s school. On the same day each week, I would go to her second grade class during reading time and read to her class. As I walked into the classroom on my designated reading day, I quickly realized someone had beat me to it. I was slightly irritated that I was there at “my” designated time and there was another parent in my place.

 

Niki and Tori with their girl scout troop

I stayed until reading time was over and I happened to be leaving at the same time the other mom was.  As we were walking out I introduced myself to her. Her name was Shawn and I realized she was a step-mom too.  Her daughter and Niki were friends…as a matter of fact, her daughter, Tori, was in Girl Scouts with Niki and I was a co-leader of the troop so I knew Tori well.



As we were talking, we immediately realized we had a LOT in common; our husbands were both named Chris and worked in the construction industry, we both had older sons and had step-daughters we loved dearly and were very involved in their lives. We must’ve stood in the school lobby and talked for close to thirty minutes prior to exchanging phone numbers.



The funny thing with making new friends is that it’s kind of like dating… I really liked her and was excited to call her but I didn’t want to seem too desperate so I waited a day before I called her.  Calling her was like calling an old friend that I hadn’t talked to in a while. She seemed happy to hear from me and we easily spent an hour on the phone. Knowing Shawn the way I do now, that wouldn’t surprise me, because that’s just how she is….at the time though, it seemed odd that it was so easy.



We set a time to meet for lunch about a week or so later, just the two of us, and her new baby boy, Noah. We met at Applebee’s, and I got to see how much of a picky eater and how specific she was with ordering her food to her liking… she made me laugh… One of the things I truly love about Shawn, is that she is real, so real. She is who she is no matter who is around. I would like to believe I am the same way. Some people don’t like that… I fully believe some people spend so long trying to be what they think others want them to be, that they just lose themselves, they don’t even know who they really are anymore. That is definitely not Shawn, she is true to herself, and I love that about her!! We sat and ate our lunch and got deep into conversation, about everything and nothing.

David, Coty, Tori, Skye, Levi and Noah (all our kids minus Niki)

 Shawn and I quickly became close friends. It was natural for our families to become friends also. Our boys Coty and David were close in age and enjoyed playing together, and since Niki and Tori were already friends, it was easy. I could tell immediately that we would be lifetime friends, so it just made sense to introduce her to some of my other lifetime friends, including my soul sister and BFF, Jess.  They got along well, as I knew they would.




Skye and Noah

We opened up to one another, we shared memories, complaints and secrets. She taught me how to be a better wife and mother, by her words of advice and more importantly, by example. I taught her that salad consisted of more than just iceberg lettuce and that it’s okay to put veggies on sandwiches.


We actually worked together for a while. My company was hiring and I was doing the training of the new associates. We had so much fun working together. We invited each other to our kid’s birthdays and got to know each other’s extended families. I talked to my longtime friends and it was approved that Shawn and her family were welcome to attend our annual friend Christmas party. 

We became even closer through the pregnancies with our babies. Skylar was born in 1999 and Levi about 10 months later. Since I had experience assisting with labor and delivery with other friends, she had asked me if I would be there for her. I was blessed to be the first to hold Levi, other than his parents and the medical staff, even though it ended up that I wasn’t needed. I believe he was born within 15 minutes of her arrival at the hospital.

Levi and Skye

We weren’t necessarily neighbors but both lived in a twin cities suburb, so although I knew they were looking to sell their house and move, I didn’t realize it was going to be so far away.  About five years into our friendship, they found their dream home for a fair price... unfortunately, it was about an hour away. I was sad that she wasn’t as close and it wasn’t as convenient for us to spend time together.


We still talked regularly and continued to live life together. About three years after they moved, we did also. We moved six miles from her new home, which happened to be less than a mile from my step-mom and ten miles from Jessica’s new home. We began spending a lot more time together again. Our older kids were teenagers and still friends, yet more like extended family. Our younger kids grew up like cousins, and still spend a lot of time together. Shawn is one of my emergency contacts for Skye and Skye feels completely at home at their house.



In July of 2007, everything changed…for both of our families. Shawn and her family had planned a family trip to Niagra Falls. Their two older kids were 16 & 17 and both had summer jobs and commitments they couldn’t get out of. After long discussions, they, as a family, all agreed that the older kids would stay behind to fulfill their obligations. They paid a college kid that they knew from church to stay and keep an eye on the house, the animals and the “big kids”. My husband Chris and I were only minutes away and were available as “back-up” parents in case they needed anything.



All was going well, Chris and I stopped over to check on David and a friend one night, and peeked in on a Friday night to find them just hanging out alone talking. We were so impressed with how responsible and just all around good kids David and Tori were. Another day, Tori stopped over to have me help her with some paperwork for her new job and hung out for a while. Shawn has always been such a big help, we were happy to be back-ups in case the kids needed anything.



One night while on an appointment for work I received a call from Shawn and missed the call. Upon leaving my appointment, I called her back and was surprised when her husband answered her phone, I knew immediately something was wrong.  He informed me that there had been an accident and Tori didn’t make it. He said “we lost Tori…” I was shocked, in utter disbelief and speechless.  



I knew David was home alone, so I headed straight there.  There has been nothing in my life as surreal as the next few days after the accident. Next to losing a child of my own, I can’t imagine anything worse than watching a best friend or close family member lose a child. When I arrived at their home, Shawn’s mom was already there with a handful of neighbors and some of the kids friends.



People began showing up to show their support and to bring food. We were all hugging, crying, and just being silent together.  When Shawn, Chris and the boys got home, the reality of why we were all there was a smack in the face.  As a friend, I felt so powerless, and useless, and at a loss for words. I knew the only thing I could do was be present.



The next week was a blur. I felt so distant from Shawn because she was so lost. I felt as if I didn’t even know who she was during that week. There were moments I wondered if she even knew I was there or if we would ever be the way we were again. Still I stayed; cleaned, cooked, helped make the poster boards, attended the wake and funeral, and just grieved….for the loss of Tori, for my friend’s loss of a daughter, the boys’ loss of their sister, and my children’s loss of a friend.  I was filled with sadness that what brought us together, the friendship of our step-daughters, the connection we had as involved step-mothers, we had no more.  It would never be the same again.



After a week or so, we met for coffee, it hurt to even look her in the eyes. My heart broke for her. Throughout the next year, I would go sit with her a couple days a week just to help to keep her focus on something other than her grief. She had a hard time working at that time and she worked from home. She would say, if I would go there and work from her house that she’d get more work done. As far as I was concerned, we talked mostly and worked a little. Still, it seemed to help her, and that’s what mattered.



I was her sounding board when friends and acquaintances would divert their eyes when they saw her, or talk to her like nothing had happened. All she wanted was for people to talk about Tori, ask her how she was doing, and acknowledge her loss instead of ignoring it.



The real connection that Shawn and I always had was the unconditional love we have for our step-daughters. Many step-parents don’t love their step-kids as their own, yet we both do. That bound us.  Now, as Niki is grown, six years after Tori’s accident, we’ve been through high school graduation, moving to her own place, having a baby and now planning her wedding. Not only is Niki sad that Tori isn’t here for it all, I am sad that Shawn and I aren’t experiencing these life events together with both of our daughters.                  Beautiful Tori



I still struggle venting to Shawn about blended family issues, because I know she’d pay anything to be able to still deal with these issues…yet she, more than anyone was my confidante about those issues. I still vent sometimes, and she still gives me some amazing advice.  Honestly, I am just more guarded about those conversations in protection of her feelings.



I know she’s truly happy for Niki and I at the happy occasions, but I am sure the “what if’s…” still cross her mind regularly. I hurt for her, because she is one of my best friends and I wish there was a way to turn back time and change the outcome.

 

More recently, I have had some family drama going on this past year; some struggles with my own children and needing, every now and then, some validation that I’m not going crazy amidst it all. Shawn is never judging, yet speaks the truth to me. She lets me cry and then comes up with a way to help, every time. I can’t imagine life without her.



Tori and Niki brought us together and I will always be thankful for that. I know our friendship was definitely due to some divine intervention. I thank God for that. We have been through so much together and I am so blessed and so thankful for my amazing Soul Sister in Shawn.                                            

---

                                                                                           In loving memory of Tori 5/15/90 ~ 7/3/2007

Friendship for a reason, a season, a lifetime…

 

 

Carri and I in Daytona 1992

Friendship for a reason…

                    Friendship for a season…

         Friendship for a lifetime.

 

You never know which one a friendship will be, so treat all your friends as if they are “lifetime” friends and allow them to make the decision if they will be or not.

 

I met my friend Carri while beginning my 11^th grade school year.  We sat at the same table in class at a high school for pregnant teens. Once we started talking we realized we had a lot in common, especially music. We became friends quickly. I was expecting my first child, due in December of 1989, she was due five months later. She seemed cool…little did I know, our friendship would change my life indefinitely…and not in any way I EVER could have imagined.

Carri and I visited each other after our kids were born and hung out after school together with our new babies.  After having our kids, we attended the same high school while our kids were in daycare together.  We spent a lot of time together, alone (with our little ones), and sometimes on the weekends with a group of friends and we always had fun!! Jessica (my lifetime BFF) and Carri met through me and also quickly became friends, along with Jen, Kismet, Laura and Britt.



Geli (Coty), Jess (Courtney) and Carri (Niki) 12/1991

Jess, Carri and I became very close, we even bought a best friends necklace that had three pieces and three separate chains. We were inseparable! For a season, that is… One night we all went out, we had sitters for the kiddos and decided to hang out with Carri’s boyfriend at his house with some of their other friends. I met her boyfriend, Chris, he seemed nice and all, but I obviously wasn’t interested in him. I had my own boyfriend, my sons’ father, and this was Carri’s boyfriend. I didn’t think he was bad looking or anything, really…I just didn’t give him too much thought at all.



Carri, Jess and I all graduated from the same alternative highschool. Jess and I even presented Carri her diploma and did a small speech. When we were 18 and 19, we went to Daytona Beach for a week on spring break, just Carri and I…lots of fun, lots of memories, a lot of experiences!



After graduation, Carri began working at a retail store while living with Chris and their daughter Nicole. Jessica and I were both in college, and focusing on our own lives. The three of us were starting to spend less time together.  When we did spend time together, we enjoyed ourselves, but you could feel the distance creeping in.

Coty and Niki 1991

On a few occasions I picked Carri’s daughter Nicole up and brought her to my house to play with my son Coty for the night while she worked or went out. That’s what friends do though, right…?

Carri began working more on the weekends and hanging out more with coworkers and we began spending less and less time together. In the meantime, Jess had also had her daughter Courtney and we were all spending more time with our boyfriends.



Time passed, and in early 1993, things weren’t working well with my sons’ father and I and we split up. Carri and Chris split up shortly after. Carri began dating the man who ended up becoming her first husband. Shortly thereafter I began dating someone new also. Jess and I were spending more time with another group of girls while Carri was spending a lot of time with some of her newer friends and her new boyfriend. We still talked now and then, just less frequently.



On July 17^th, 1993, Carri invited me to go to a party with her and a group of friends. We had sitters for the night and got to go out and act our age! We went together and her boyfriend was meeting her there later that evening. While at the party, I ran into Jess and her boyfriend, Tony. Tony happened to work with Chris, Carri’s ex-boyfriend, and they were friends. We were all talking, Jess, Tony, Chris and myself. I got the feeling that Chris was kind of into me… Jess and Tony were saying “You should date Chris, he’s a really great guy.” I remember saying “NO WAY!! Carri would KILL me!!” We all continued talking and I realized he really did seem like a nice guy, and from what I’d seen and heard, a great dad to Nicole. Then I noticed…”hmmm, he’s actually really good looking and quite a gentleman.”

Carri’s boyfriend arrived and they were somewhere talking. Chris and I became deeply engrossed in conversation. Quickly, we became truly lost in our conversation. We literally talked…all night! We sat in his car, listened to music and talked, about nothing and everything. The more time we spent together, the more I realized how cute he really was. Chris asked, “What do you think Carri would do if she saw us talking like this?” I said, “She’d hate it and be really mad at me.” (She told me once, “just because I don’t want to be with him, doesn’t mean I want someone else to. I will always love him, I’m just not IN LOVE with him…”)

 I did understand, and knew how she felt, yet at that moment, that very first night, I truly listened to Chris, truly saw Chris, and I knew I would have a big decision to make. I can’t completely explain it. I had never felt exactly this way before. Chris offered to drive me home that night. He was a true gentleman. He lent me his sweatshirt because I was cold, and dropped me off at home.

I couldn’t get him off of my mind…so a few days later I called him to remind him I still had his sweatshirt. If I remember correctly, he must’ve needed it badly because he asked if he could come over the next day to get it. He brought Niki to visit with Coty and we chatted for a bit while the kids played. I was so impressed at how he dealt with Nicole and how natural he was with my son, Coty. I melted as I watched him interact with them both. That night before they left, he asked me on our first date, I quickly obliged.



 Carri, Geli and Jess 1992

Our date was easy. Chris was funny, sweet, cute and a total gentleman. I knew after our first date, that he was the one, no question about it. So, I knew I had to do it, I called Carri and asked if I could come over and talk to her. I knew she had some suspicions, I figured she’d heard from Niki that we had spent some time together. When I went to her home, she said, “well, whats more important to you, you choose…” Chris and I had discussed it and both figured it would be a ‘him or me’ thing, which I don’t blame her for, it would be difficult for anyone. It was a very difficult thing to do. I naturally am a very loyal and loving friend. I just can’t explain it, I knew I was meant to be with Chris. Carri asked “so, what are you choosing?” I responded,” I feel that our relationship is dwindling as it is, and with Chris, I just believe that we have the opportunity for a real future together.”

That was it, our friendship was over. I knew then that I had made the right choice even though it broke my heart to have to decide to let go of that friendship for good. I knew my future was with Chris.

As with many split parents Carri and Chris had a shared visitation schedule at the time. Chris had Niki at that time every other week, and since we spent a lot of time together, Niki and Coty got close very quickly. They are only five months apart and were both three. I was amazed at what an amazing father Chris was with Niki. Now, remember, the kids had known each other since birth, so it was very natural that they quickly became best friends.

The hardest thing for me was to not ‘mother’ Niki when she was with us. I didn’t want to overstep my boundaries, but it was so hard because I already loved her. I have also known her since birth, and since I was mothering Coty, it just came so easy.

Chris and I dated for about four months when we decided it logically made sense for us to move in together.

 #1 – we hated being apart

#2 - it would make sense financially

 #3- we already felt like a family.

We quickly and easily fell into co-parenting roles and agreed about 90% of the time on how to do things. We trusted each other fully. We melded into a family unit. It just seemed right.

Well, throughout the twenty-plus years Chris and I have been together, Carri has tried to be okay with me, disliked me, appreciated me, resented me, and maybe a time or two, actually liked me. The emotions have been reciprocated at one time or another I’m sure. I won’t bore you with all the co-parenting disagreements we have had, though it’s not been all bad. Until Niki turned 18 though, it was more difficult than not.

I have been completely blessed with an amazing step-daughter. I adore Nicole, she’s always been so easy to get along with. She was such an easy going kid, always seemed older than she was and to understand beyond her years. She is one of the most appreciative people I know, and so helpful, and compassionate, protective, adaptable, caring and loving. Niki and I have had, for the most part, a pretty close relationship. She always left some part of her protected from me though, from the very beginning. She idolized Carri, was protective of her, and held back with me in fear of betraying her mom.

It has always been a battle for me, an internal struggle, because I have, since the very beginning loved Niki as my own. I know it’s not as ‘heard of’ with step parents, yet no one seems to question if an adoptive mother loves her child as much as a birth mother. The love is slightly different, but not more or less than, for me anyway. I love all my kids to the end of the earth and would walk through fire for all three of them. Even though Niki has another mother who also loves her more than life itself, it doesn’t make my love any less.

She is a blessed young lady, because she has the love of two women who both love her fully and unconditionally. As Nicole has grown into a young woman, and brought her sweet son Dominic into all our lives, our relationship has changed, it’s grown. It finally feels as if she has dropped her walls down. We are friends, we have a mother/daughter relationship, but it’s even more than that, we are very good friends. As a matter of fact I would say she is one of my best friends. I am blessed to call her my daughter, my stepdaughter to be specific, and also so very blessed to call her my friend.

So back to the beginning, we have friends for a reason, for a season, and for a lifetime.

I definitely believe God brought Carri and me into each other’s lives for a season, but also for a very specific reason. To give me the life I have today. If it wasn’t for my friendship that I had with Carri, I wouldn’t have ever met my husband Chris; who is also my very best friend and confidante and an amazing dad to all three of our kids. I wouldn’t have been blessed with our youngest daughter Skye, nor would I have had the opportunity to have a hand in raising Niki and build the ‘lifetime’ friendship that every mother and daughter would be blessed to have.

Note* Yes, things were very difficult while we were co-parenting Niki as a minor, regarding visitation, custody issues, support issues, etc., I must add though, Carri and I have become a great team. We planned and hosted Niki’s grad party together, we were co-coaches while Niki was in labor/delivery with our grandson, Dominic and we are now assisting in her wedding planning. We both have our gifts, talents and imperfections, but every mother does, right? I believe that Niki has been blessed by learning from us both. We both have impacted who she is, just not both genetically.

at the wedding fair, Carri, Niki and Geli

Soul Sisters; Embracing our Divine Friendships

  
I truly believe those of us who have a handful of close girlfriends are among some of the luckiest people on earth, along with those of us who have a best friend in a spouse, parent or child. These close relationships are what life is about. Without relationships, who are we really?

 When we leave earth, we are remembered not by how financially wealthy we were, how educated we were, how dedicated of an employee we were... but more often, how we made others feel when we came in contact with them. Life is about relationships.

 

How would your closest friends describe you, would they remember you for your status in society or by the depth of their relationship with you? I have often asked myself that exact question and what I have come to realize is that I know, even though I have made many MANY mistakes, I believe that my friends know I would be there for them... rain, sleet or shine, no matter what they need. Throughout my life my close friends have always been a priority, because I love them and want them to know they are loved and valued.

 

I have been blessed by many friendships, but honestly, the ones that stick out the most, aren't the ones who were there to just enjoy life with, but the ones that were there in my weakest moments, there for me when I was in utter despair and chose to drag me out of it. Those are the friendships that you take with you to the grave and I believe will go on long after that. Those are the relationships that started off as friends but ended up, somehow more like family.  They are your soul sisters.

 

I have spoken with many women who say that they don't have many female friendships, and that after high school or college, they just focused on what they believe mattered most...usually a love relationship, boyfriend, husband etc. Then once they started their family, it was just natural to focus on their children. In no way do I disagree that our husbands and children and even extended family is important. I just know after talking with so many women, that most of them, at some point regret losing touch with girlfriends.

 

I would encourage those of you reading that have let once valuable friendships fall to the wayside to attempt to reconnect, and if necessary repair that friendship. Sometimes all that is needed is to pick up the phone, call them, and say "I have been thinking about you and I am sorry it's been so long since we have talked."

 

Also, it's important that we listen to our gut, when an old friend pops into your head, send them an email, a Facebook message, or better yet...give them a call. Sometimes that is all it takes to rebuild an old friendship.

 

I was recently struggling while dealing with a personal family crisis when my husband mentioned to me that he had run into one of my old friends, and she had mentioned to him that her family was going through a very similar crisis. He did not tell her what we were experiencing, but I immediately knew I had to call her. The fact that it had been over four years since we had seen each other didn't matter to me. We hadn't ended on bad terms at all...we used to live near each other, and about seven years ago we had moved about an hour away. We were both engrossed in our own lives, and just lost touch.

I called her and I could tell she was happy to hear from me. I told her I am sorry to hear about what she is going through and that we are experiencing a similar situation. We decided to meet up later that week for dinner. When we sat down and started talking, amazingly, there was no uncomfortable silence... we just fell right back into where we left off four years ago.

A good friend explained to me recently while we were discussing friendships, that there are some friendships, like good movies, that you can just put on pause and when you push play again, it seems as if no time had lapsed at all. This was one of those friendships.

 We talked for a couple hours the first night and then on the phone a couple times throughout the next couple weeks. We met up again, and this time brought our daughters with, who also used to be good friends and hadn't seen each other in years. As we were talking over dinner we both agreed that we believe it was Divine intervention that brought us together. She said after she got off of the phone with me that first night, she told her daughter that she knew this was a "God-thing". I definitely agree with her!

 There are certain times in life when we are dealing with one issue or another that we may not feel like anyone else fully understands, or gets it... even at times our closest friends. That's the time to keep your radar on. So when you run into an old friend at a store or connect with a possible new friend, I encourage you to take the time to recognize the moment and run with it. You never know how it may turn out.  I fully believe there is no such thing as coincidence, I believe those are the Divine moments, and when we are open to it, beautiful things can happen.
 

I am so thankful that I reconnected with this friend, I am thankful that she understands what I am going through and doesn't judge me. I am also thankful that I can be there for her, to listen and support her.

Until next time ~Geli