Friendship... Un-cliqued

definition of:  Clique- a narrow, exclusive circle or group of persons, held together by common interests

It's perfectly normal to associate with those of a common interest, isn't it?

I would say, yes! Of course it is...

Yet, why then, is the concept of the clique so derogatory?

Back in 1985, my family and I moved. My parents sold the home that I was raised in and attended school for all of my primary years in the Camden neighborhood in North Minneapolis and bought a new home in the suburbs, Brooklyn Park, to be exact. To say that I was upset, was an understatement.

My best friend at the time and I decided we would merge all of our funds together and run away. I am not fully sure where we thought we were going to go, or truthfully how that was going to help the situation, but I do know that at the time, it sounded like a much better option than moving to the suburbs. I was 12 years old, and ready to begin Jr High school and knew 100% that I didn't want to experience that time of my life with a bunch of preppy suburban kids.

Well, I know this may be shocking, but we didn't end up running away and I did move to Brooklyn Park the summer prior to starting 7th grade. I had one friend that went to my new school so that was better than nothing and interestingly enough, I realized very quickly that it wasn't all "preppy" kids either.

Lets see... there were the jocks, the preps, the nerds, and the dirt balls. I knew where I didn't fit... but I wasn't sure where I did fit. I, unlike most teenagers didn't really care what clique people were in. I was pretty shy initially, then just talked to the kids that talked to me. I became friends with those who were nice to me and felt I had some things in common with. I did end up being a part of a clique per se, mostly based on musical taste and a style I was into. I will leave the rest a mystery!

What I have figured out as an adult about cliques, is that the negative connotation isn't the part about spending time with those of common interests. The negative part is the word exclusive. As an adult, we tell our children to be inclusive when it comes to their siblings, or neighborhood kids. We also need to remember it's okay to be inclusive with our friends, and our friends friends.

A number of years ago, a few of us girlfriends began celebrating Christmas together with our kids, and as our families grew, with our spouses and step kids. One year I wanted to invite someone new to the gathering and one of the girls was very negative about that. I believe it was out of jealousy and concern this new friend was somehow going to replace her in my life.

What I have found is that my true friends, my soul sisters don't have fear like that. They know their place in my life and I know mine in theirs. The new friendships made can enhance the others, we can create new memories while telling stories and reminiscing the old. I am blessed to say, my group of friends has continued to grow.

As I was sitting having coffee with my friend, D'Ann recently, my mind was churning with thoughts of cliques. D'Ann and I met about seven years ago while volunteering in our daughters 2nd grade classroom. Our daughters were friends and we easily became lost in conversation.  Now seven years later D'Ann and I are still good friends yet our daughters rarely talk. D'Ann's daughter Kayla is an amazing athlete! She has played for years both basketball and softball. She is extremely competitive and has a great work ethic with her sports. She dresses the part, cute and sporty. My daughter Skye is an artist, a creative soul. She is an amazingly talented writer, draws beautifully and loves music with a passion. Her sport is dance and my heart melts when I watch her dance. Her style is a bit more rock star. They are part of different cliques. Skye said to me recently how she believes that she and Kayla will reconnect as adults. She still likes Kayla, there are no hard feelings or animosity. They just run with different groups. I told D'Ann that and also that I bet if she and I were in the same grade at the same school we probably wouldn't have talked either. She was big in to softball and if a ball came at me, I would cover my eyes and duck. I would have found the guys that played in the garage band and hung out with them writing lyrics as I listened.

Yet today, while D'Ann and I sit and have coffee, a good 20 plus years out of high school, none of that matters. What we have in common now is the love for our kids and our husbands, frustrations with family drama, stories of our jobs and hopes and dreams about our futures. We sit and listen to each other, counsel each other through rough times and encourage and support each other through life's ups and downs. The fact that her passion was softball and my fear was gym class just isn't relevant in our life today. When I have gatherings at my house, D'Ann comes, has gotten to know some of my other soul sisters and is inclusive with them as they are with her.

D'Ann and I, May 2014

We all go through the teen years, and maybe dealing with the cliques is just a right of passage. I don't know... what I do know though is that it doesn't have to continue throughout our adult lives. Think of all the amazing friendships we may pass up due to some preconceived notion that we might not fit in or that due to a difference we may not get along. I say, lets find what we do have in common and go from there. Let's become un-cliqued.

Thanks for reading, be blessed.~ Geli