Friendship for a reason, a season, a lifetime…

 

 

Carri and I in Daytona 1992

Friendship for a reason…

                    Friendship for a season…

         Friendship for a lifetime.

 

You never know which one a friendship will be, so treat all your friends as if they are “lifetime” friends and allow them to make the decision if they will be or not.

 

I met my friend Carri while beginning my 11^th grade school year.  We sat at the same table in class at a high school for pregnant teens. Once we started talking we realized we had a lot in common, especially music. We became friends quickly. I was expecting my first child, due in December of 1989, she was due five months later. She seemed cool…little did I know, our friendship would change my life indefinitely…and not in any way I EVER could have imagined.

Carri and I visited each other after our kids were born and hung out after school together with our new babies.  After having our kids, we attended the same high school while our kids were in daycare together.  We spent a lot of time together, alone (with our little ones), and sometimes on the weekends with a group of friends and we always had fun!! Jessica (my lifetime BFF) and Carri met through me and also quickly became friends, along with Jen, Kismet, Laura and Britt.



Geli (Coty), Jess (Courtney) and Carri (Niki) 12/1991

Jess, Carri and I became very close, we even bought a best friends necklace that had three pieces and three separate chains. We were inseparable! For a season, that is… One night we all went out, we had sitters for the kiddos and decided to hang out with Carri’s boyfriend at his house with some of their other friends. I met her boyfriend, Chris, he seemed nice and all, but I obviously wasn’t interested in him. I had my own boyfriend, my sons’ father, and this was Carri’s boyfriend. I didn’t think he was bad looking or anything, really…I just didn’t give him too much thought at all.



Carri, Jess and I all graduated from the same alternative highschool. Jess and I even presented Carri her diploma and did a small speech. When we were 18 and 19, we went to Daytona Beach for a week on spring break, just Carri and I…lots of fun, lots of memories, a lot of experiences!



After graduation, Carri began working at a retail store while living with Chris and their daughter Nicole. Jessica and I were both in college, and focusing on our own lives. The three of us were starting to spend less time together.  When we did spend time together, we enjoyed ourselves, but you could feel the distance creeping in.

Coty and Niki 1991

On a few occasions I picked Carri’s daughter Nicole up and brought her to my house to play with my son Coty for the night while she worked or went out. That’s what friends do though, right…?

Carri began working more on the weekends and hanging out more with coworkers and we began spending less and less time together. In the meantime, Jess had also had her daughter Courtney and we were all spending more time with our boyfriends.



Time passed, and in early 1993, things weren’t working well with my sons’ father and I and we split up. Carri and Chris split up shortly after. Carri began dating the man who ended up becoming her first husband. Shortly thereafter I began dating someone new also. Jess and I were spending more time with another group of girls while Carri was spending a lot of time with some of her newer friends and her new boyfriend. We still talked now and then, just less frequently.



On July 17^th, 1993, Carri invited me to go to a party with her and a group of friends. We had sitters for the night and got to go out and act our age! We went together and her boyfriend was meeting her there later that evening. While at the party, I ran into Jess and her boyfriend, Tony. Tony happened to work with Chris, Carri’s ex-boyfriend, and they were friends. We were all talking, Jess, Tony, Chris and myself. I got the feeling that Chris was kind of into me… Jess and Tony were saying “You should date Chris, he’s a really great guy.” I remember saying “NO WAY!! Carri would KILL me!!” We all continued talking and I realized he really did seem like a nice guy, and from what I’d seen and heard, a great dad to Nicole. Then I noticed…”hmmm, he’s actually really good looking and quite a gentleman.”

Carri’s boyfriend arrived and they were somewhere talking. Chris and I became deeply engrossed in conversation. Quickly, we became truly lost in our conversation. We literally talked…all night! We sat in his car, listened to music and talked, about nothing and everything. The more time we spent together, the more I realized how cute he really was. Chris asked, “What do you think Carri would do if she saw us talking like this?” I said, “She’d hate it and be really mad at me.” (She told me once, “just because I don’t want to be with him, doesn’t mean I want someone else to. I will always love him, I’m just not IN LOVE with him…”)

 I did understand, and knew how she felt, yet at that moment, that very first night, I truly listened to Chris, truly saw Chris, and I knew I would have a big decision to make. I can’t completely explain it. I had never felt exactly this way before. Chris offered to drive me home that night. He was a true gentleman. He lent me his sweatshirt because I was cold, and dropped me off at home.

I couldn’t get him off of my mind…so a few days later I called him to remind him I still had his sweatshirt. If I remember correctly, he must’ve needed it badly because he asked if he could come over the next day to get it. He brought Niki to visit with Coty and we chatted for a bit while the kids played. I was so impressed at how he dealt with Nicole and how natural he was with my son, Coty. I melted as I watched him interact with them both. That night before they left, he asked me on our first date, I quickly obliged.



 Carri, Geli and Jess 1992

Our date was easy. Chris was funny, sweet, cute and a total gentleman. I knew after our first date, that he was the one, no question about it. So, I knew I had to do it, I called Carri and asked if I could come over and talk to her. I knew she had some suspicions, I figured she’d heard from Niki that we had spent some time together. When I went to her home, she said, “well, whats more important to you, you choose…” Chris and I had discussed it and both figured it would be a ‘him or me’ thing, which I don’t blame her for, it would be difficult for anyone. It was a very difficult thing to do. I naturally am a very loyal and loving friend. I just can’t explain it, I knew I was meant to be with Chris. Carri asked “so, what are you choosing?” I responded,” I feel that our relationship is dwindling as it is, and with Chris, I just believe that we have the opportunity for a real future together.”

That was it, our friendship was over. I knew then that I had made the right choice even though it broke my heart to have to decide to let go of that friendship for good. I knew my future was with Chris.

As with many split parents Carri and Chris had a shared visitation schedule at the time. Chris had Niki at that time every other week, and since we spent a lot of time together, Niki and Coty got close very quickly. They are only five months apart and were both three. I was amazed at what an amazing father Chris was with Niki. Now, remember, the kids had known each other since birth, so it was very natural that they quickly became best friends.

The hardest thing for me was to not ‘mother’ Niki when she was with us. I didn’t want to overstep my boundaries, but it was so hard because I already loved her. I have also known her since birth, and since I was mothering Coty, it just came so easy.

Chris and I dated for about four months when we decided it logically made sense for us to move in together.

 #1 – we hated being apart

#2 - it would make sense financially

 #3- we already felt like a family.

We quickly and easily fell into co-parenting roles and agreed about 90% of the time on how to do things. We trusted each other fully. We melded into a family unit. It just seemed right.

Well, throughout the twenty-plus years Chris and I have been together, Carri has tried to be okay with me, disliked me, appreciated me, resented me, and maybe a time or two, actually liked me. The emotions have been reciprocated at one time or another I’m sure. I won’t bore you with all the co-parenting disagreements we have had, though it’s not been all bad. Until Niki turned 18 though, it was more difficult than not.

I have been completely blessed with an amazing step-daughter. I adore Nicole, she’s always been so easy to get along with. She was such an easy going kid, always seemed older than she was and to understand beyond her years. She is one of the most appreciative people I know, and so helpful, and compassionate, protective, adaptable, caring and loving. Niki and I have had, for the most part, a pretty close relationship. She always left some part of her protected from me though, from the very beginning. She idolized Carri, was protective of her, and held back with me in fear of betraying her mom.

It has always been a battle for me, an internal struggle, because I have, since the very beginning loved Niki as my own. I know it’s not as ‘heard of’ with step parents, yet no one seems to question if an adoptive mother loves her child as much as a birth mother. The love is slightly different, but not more or less than, for me anyway. I love all my kids to the end of the earth and would walk through fire for all three of them. Even though Niki has another mother who also loves her more than life itself, it doesn’t make my love any less.

She is a blessed young lady, because she has the love of two women who both love her fully and unconditionally. As Nicole has grown into a young woman, and brought her sweet son Dominic into all our lives, our relationship has changed, it’s grown. It finally feels as if she has dropped her walls down. We are friends, we have a mother/daughter relationship, but it’s even more than that, we are very good friends. As a matter of fact I would say she is one of my best friends. I am blessed to call her my daughter, my stepdaughter to be specific, and also so very blessed to call her my friend.

So back to the beginning, we have friends for a reason, for a season, and for a lifetime.

I definitely believe God brought Carri and me into each other’s lives for a season, but also for a very specific reason. To give me the life I have today. If it wasn’t for my friendship that I had with Carri, I wouldn’t have ever met my husband Chris; who is also my very best friend and confidante and an amazing dad to all three of our kids. I wouldn’t have been blessed with our youngest daughter Skye, nor would I have had the opportunity to have a hand in raising Niki and build the ‘lifetime’ friendship that every mother and daughter would be blessed to have.

Note* Yes, things were very difficult while we were co-parenting Niki as a minor, regarding visitation, custody issues, support issues, etc., I must add though, Carri and I have become a great team. We planned and hosted Niki’s grad party together, we were co-coaches while Niki was in labor/delivery with our grandson, Dominic and we are now assisting in her wedding planning. We both have our gifts, talents and imperfections, but every mother does, right? I believe that Niki has been blessed by learning from us both. We both have impacted who she is, just not both genetically.

at the wedding fair, Carri, Niki and Geli