The Art of Making Friends

*The art of making and being a friend~ Part 1 of 2*


As I was on the phone this evening with my BFF Jess, we were discussing the topic of this post.  I told her that I was going to post about making friends and also about being a friend. I laughed and said "Well, one is much easier and much more fun than the other." and her response was "Yes, being a friend is the easy part, I'm not good at making new friends, it's stressful!" She told me that long term relationships are so much easier for her. Yet, she knows I make friends all the time and truly enjoy it!

So, as we were chatting, I was explaining to her the connection I see between marriage and friendship, courting someone and then truly knowing them. She reminded me that she despises dating too, and is much happier with a life long commitment.  As much as I love being married and having long term friendships, I also love the excitement of new relationships and getting to know new people, it's a challenge to me, finding commonalities with others. It's so true that opposites attract. Jess is an introvert and I am an extrovert. She loves counseling, and I love sales.  So knowing that, what I may think is easy, fun and comes naturally, like making friends, I also know that it doesn't come naturally to everyone.

So, for those who struggle with it, like Jess does, remember that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. If you want new relationships in your life, if you feel like you are missing out on having multiple female friendships, someone to call your best friend or the friendships that you have are draining you and filled with drama, it can't hurt to step outside your comfort zone and make some new friends.

So, when it comes to making friends, here is what I know.

Smile, be friendly, courteous and helpful. Nobody wants to befriend a crab!!

Give yourself opportunities to be in situations to meet new people. If you always see the same people, frequent the same stores and never do anything new, it may be difficult to meet a new friend. Again, step outside your comfort zone.

Find someone that makes you smile, who seems to have a positive energy about them and introduce yourself.

Ask questions, a lot of questions... not like a job interview though, more conversational of course. People like to talk about themselves, their family, their kids, their jobs and their hobbies. The right person will follow it up by asking about you. So many people think talking is the key to relationships, it is not, listening is.

Find a commonality, something that connects you. Whether it's liking the same TV series, the same type of music, similar sports or maybe your kids were involved in the same activity, there's always something. Honestly, if there's not, it may not be the right connection.

Find out what they like to do, walking, biking, dancing, listening to live music, going to museums or sitting at a coffee shop and then offer to exchange numbers, or email addresses.

Then call them and invite them out on a friend-date! It may sound crazy, but I have done this and it works!

In my experience, this isn't something you should have to force. If you are doing all of the above and it's just not flowing, you need to know when to step back. We don't need any stalker friendships here!
As we know, not every person we dated romantically ended up in a lifetime relationship with us, that is the same with friends. One of my first posts discusses friendships, for a reason, for a season, and for a lifetime. There are also some that just may remain distant acquaintances or nothing at all, and  that's okay too.
 
As to where to find these new friends, that depends on your age, life situation, etc. It's easier if you are in school, or work outside the home because there are people everywhere for you to connect with.  If your job is being a stay at home mom, you have to be a bit more creative; talking to neighbors, or meeting other moms at the park, possibly enrolling your kiddo's in an activity or early family childhood education. I can tell you, those things are what kept me a little bit sane when my kids were little. 

The following are ways that I have met some of my closest friends.

-in school/college
-through mutual friends
-belonging to a support group
-talking while our children attended a sport
-talking while our kids were in swimming lessons
-volunteering at school functions, in the classroom
-kids were friends and spent time at each others house
-worked together
-kids were in daycare together
-volunteer at church together

The one thing that stands out to me the most is that I have had to step outside my comfort zone numerous times to meet these women. Sitting at home having a pity party wondering why your friends aren't calling wont cut it. It's time to take action!! Having kids makes it easier to find opportunities to volunteer, but it's no excuse if you don't have children. There are so many places that need a helping hand and so many groups out there to connect with others. Even Jess can step outside her comfort zone...As a matter of fact, a couple months ago she called me excitedly one night and said "You're going to be so proud of me, I made a new friend today!!" ...and I was.


That's all for now, part 2 "Being a friend" coming soon, Thanks, be blessed! ~Geli

When A Friend Becomes a Soul Sister ~ "The Story of Erin Michelle and Amber Rose"

*Thank you to my little sis, Erin Michelle, for this reader submitted Soul Sister Story*

When does a friend become a soul sister...?

 

From my experience, there is not a certain life changing event that determines this for you such as a wedding or having a child would, nor is there an “aha” moment.  You won’t be sitting at the bar or at your friend’s baby shower and suddenly realize that this friend is truly connected to you in life and no matter what happens to you, she will be there.  A friend becomes a Soul Sister unexpectedly and over time.

Unlike a fairy tale, Amber and I didn’t just have one conversation and immediately know it was "friendship at first sight". Amber and I didn’t even click right away, it took years of hanging out, loving each other, hating each other, crying together, and laughing together to build the friendship we have today.

I met Amber in band class when I was in sixth grade.  Amber played the trumpet and I played the flute.  We started a conversation by telling each other how much we both hated our band teacher in general, but specifically that day because we had to watch The Wizard of Oz in the dark and he wouldn’t let us sleep instead.  After our initial conversation, it took a few years before we became best friends and little did everyone know, they were in for big trouble!

 
 

Once we hit high school, Amber and I were inseparable.  We did everything together.  We were together so often that our own friends and families would call us by the others name (they still do today).  Looking back, Amber and I weren’t just best friends at that point in our lives, we were family.  Like many families, we had our own ways of doing things such as pressing our favorite numbers on the telephone when making promises (2 for me and 5 for Amber), going by our first and middle names, and wearing the same style clothes but in different colors.

As many teenage girls are, Amber and I were boy crazy and got into a little trouble.  I still laugh when I think about Amber telling her dad that I gave her the big hickey on her neck or when she told her mom that I gave her the condom that her parents found in her pocket.  That one actually got me into trouble because her mom called my mom and then my mom asked me why I was giving out condoms.  I gave my mom the excuse that they were handing them out at the YMCA teen night.  It wasn’t totally a lie since the YMCA did hand out condoms, but I usually didn't take them and if I did, I would blow them up like a balloon rather than give them to one of my friends.  Another time when Amber and I had boys over at her mom’s house while her mom was gone.  One of the guys was walking up the stairs with his backpack on and accidentally knocked over Amber’s mom’s shelf and broke some of her glass chickens which also resulted in breaking the pot of one of her plants.  When Amber’s mom got home, we blamed everything on their dog, Pepper.  Amber’s mom then made us re-pot the plant.  When we went into the garage to get the new pot, we accidentally broke all of the pots in the garage.  I think we laughed for over an hour about this.  We finally went inside and explained that we couldn’t find any usable pots.  Shortly afterward, I dropped the spoon while making spaghetti and Amber’s mom yelled at us “I’m done with both of you, I will be back in a few minutes” and went outside.  Looking back, I really miss those worry free and crazy days even though she made me look like I was always the one with all of the bad ideas.

As adults, Amber and my friendship has been a roller coaster.  We both have experienced so many up's and down's and have been there for each other through everything.  There were times when we were both single and more than ready to mingle, and times when we hated the other’s current boyfriend.  There were times when we were annoyed at each other and times when we had nothing but love for each other.  Amber even sent a “Don’t tell Erin I sent this to you” message on Facebook to the guy I wouldn’t shut up about. Thanks to her and my direction of course, he is my current boyfriend of two and a half years.

There was about a year though when Amber and I rarely spoke.  I was not at a good point in my life and decided that others meant more to me than any friends I had.  I had recently lost my house, along with everything else I had and was living with my parents.  I found a way to get out on my own again, but it wasn’t the right choice to make.  Instead of listening to my conscience, I did what I thought was the best decision at the time.  I lost a few friendships by making the decisions I did and that decision lead me into an even deeper black hole in life.  I remember sitting in my living room crying my eyes out because I didn’t know what my next step was going to be. I felt like I didn’t have anyone to talk to other than family, and I wanted the honest and complete truth.  I was terrified to pick up the phone and call Amber, but I did.  I left her a message that she probably couldn’t understand as I was hysterical.  She called me right back and she was brutally honest with me, but in the nicest way possible told me her opinion and what the next steps I should take were.  I knew she was right and did what I needed to do to put myself back into the best situation I could.  I am very thankful that I called her that day, because I truly believe talking to her pushed me to do what I should have done all along and that was listen to my gut.

 

 

I could literally sit at my computer all day and write a book about our friendship.  We have been through almost everything together, hard relationships, breakups, family problems, etc.  We don’t talk as much as we used to, or hang out as much for that matter, since she is a new mom and I am still adjusting to family life myself.  We also have other friendships that are just as important to us as ours is, but somehow we seem to still have a part in each other’s lives.  I still call her when I am feeling down or text her when I have good news to share and she does the same.   I am truly blessed to have Amber as a friend, as a Soul Sister, and a person to share my experiences in life with. There are no other words more powerful and better to say than thank you and I love you!

                                                                                                                 Erin Voca


*Super proud of you sis, thank you for sharing your Soul Sister story! Love ya, Geli*