Have you ever been in such a funk, that not only is it hard to work and keep up with daily responsibilities, it's also hard to play? Some days things seem so overwhelming, so completely hopeless that you want to curl up in bed and sleep, not to wake for days. Have you ever felt so out of sorts that making dinner seems like too much work? How, during those hard times can you actively be a friend?
Actively being a friend, means putting effort into a relationship. Yet, sometimes, that in itself seems like too much work. I understand, I have been there. I have wished a friend would call me or stop over to see how I am, yet when the phone rings, I have chosen not to answer it because I have felt too depressed to talk.
I don't deal with clinical depression. I can't imagine how difficult that must be for those who do. I have though, dealt with life... life's good times and it's very very rough times. Times when for a few days, weeks, even months, I feel depressed, hopeless and like I have nothing to give back. Those are the times when you find out who your real friends are.
What I have found is that during these hard times, it's not just the life-long BFF's that are the only ones there for you, but those you may not yet know are your true friends. This may be their opportunity to build a stronger friendship with you. Maybe it's the acquaintance that has went through a similar situation in their life and just "gets it" and comes to offer you support or advice. Now is the time to be open, even when you want to close off. Remember, sometimes friendship is Gods will, not solely ours.
Recently, I received a phone call from an old friend needing to talk. When I called her back she filled me in on the drama going on in her life. Her timing was impeccable... we were literally experiencing a very similar crisis at the same time. After hearing what I was going through, she invited me over for dinner and drinks. A few days later, while I was on my way to visit her, all hell broke loose in her life. When I arrived at her house, she was a mess, in tears, and not in a place to fix dinner. I immediately went into care-taker mode and made and served her dinner, in her own house. We ate, drank, cried and eventually laughed and talked late into the night. When I left her house I felt much better. Even though I was going through hard times myself, it felt good to be able to help her though her hard times.
I asked earlier how we can actively be a friend, especially when we don't feel as if we even have the strength to function... The answer is sometimes, we just need to allow others to be a friend to us. We have to learn to accept their friendship. We just have to learn to say "Thank you" when they stop over to bring you flowers and a hug. We need to remember to answer when they call to say hi, or respond to a sweet message of love and sunshine sent via text.
Sometimes to actively be a friend, we just need to allow ourselves to be vulnerable, and allow others to take care of us in whatever way they know how. Because someday, the tables will turn, and we will be the givers, the sunshine and flower bringers. Someday we will be the ones showing up with a hug and a coffee because we know that our friend, new... old... or life-long BFF needs us. We will be there, and we will be there without judgement because we know how it feels to have someone be there for us.
Thank you to my true friends, my old friends and new friends, my soul sisters, my sunshine senders, my prayer warriors, my heart to heart talkers, my flower and hug bringers. I love and appreciate you all. ~Geli
