Tuesday, March 17, 2015

First Impressions Aren't Always Correct

Some of us 'Dance Moms' during our Chicago trip
This past weekend I took a trip with my youngest daughter, her dance school and a handful of other girls and their moms. We packed about 40 females in a charter bus, along with one dad and a male bus driver and drove from Minneapolis to Chicago, a little over eight hours all said and done.  Since I have never been very involved with the "in crowd'' in school or sporting events personally, I have avoided a lot of girl drama. I somewhat expected to deal with some this weekend.

When I think of dance moms, I think of the TV reality show with the same name.  I think of bratty, spoiled little girls and moms that think their kid is the best and is owed something.  I don't think of me or my soft hearted daughter, or so many of the kind and adorable girls that we got to spend the weekend with. Yet, we were now a part of this... this life of dancers and 'dance moms'.  It was all a bit unnerving.

Since Skye's BFF and her mom would also be attending the trip, we had planned on rooming with them. My sister, her fiance' and stepdaughter would also be there, so I knew I wouldn't be alone much. What I was hoping for though, was to also connect with some of the other moms that I didn't already know and still do my best to elude any drama.

Even though, as I said, I was hoping to connect with other moms, I was also a bit judging about some of them. I had met many of them at different times, and even though it was only a few minutes here and there, I had already made some judgments. I decided who I thought was bitchy, who I viewed to be snobby, and who was or wasn't a great mom. What I learned quickly, was that my gut feelings aren't always correct.

As women, we, on occasion, become somewhat hormonal, which can definitely skew our views on situations and people. I know that I have been quick to judge women based on one or two meetings with them.  What I didn't take into consideration was that they (or I) may have been having a bad day when we met the first time and I may have inaccurately read into things.

There are moments when I am so hormonal that I can't even stand being in the same room with myself. Who's to say that upon meeting another mom that I came across as bitchy to them, even though I don't necessarily think that's how I am.

One of the ladies that was attending with her daughter happens to be an employee and mutual friend of my BFF, Jess. Jess messaged me the day before the trip and encouraged me to connect with this person. I made it a point to do so, and am so grateful that I have. We immediately clicked and I realized that we were a lot alike, that she didn't seem to have a fake bone in her body, and I truly enjoyed talking with her. We openly shared some of our personal issues, and it was easy. There was already a trust there, due to our mutual friendship in Jess. What a great way to meet new friends, on referral from other friends.

As I was meeting more and more of these ladies, I made the decision that I was going to take my own advice and make it a point to connect with as many of these ladies as I could. There were only three or four of the ladies that I didn't personally introduce myself to over the weekend, or spend time getting to know. I asked questions of these women and truly listened to their life stories. I learned about their kids and their marriages, learned about some friends that were strongly connected with each other who's daughters danced together. I learned of childhood illnesses, loss of loved ones and dietary restrictions. I learned that so many of us are going through our own issues, our own personal crisis and instead of being so critical of these women when I pass them at dance class, I was reminded that we are all pretty much the same. Were all dealing with the drama of being mothers, sisters, daughters, friends and wives.

As one of the ladies shared some of her personal life story during a casual conversation at the event,  I had a revelation...  our women's intuition, or gut feelings, or quick judgments aren't always accurate. When we meet others in a fast paced and busy environment for a few minutes, we aren't given the full opportunity to see someone for who they are, we only see them for who they appear to be at that moment.  It could have been the moment that they just lost their job, found out their child was being bullied, or their spouse was lying to them. whatever the situation, we must learn to give others grace.

I am truly grateful for this experience and am looking forward to getting to know these beautifully amazing  'dance moms' more. One piece of advice I would give to my soul sisters out there is to not be so quick to judge other women. We never know what someone is going through, so allow them room to be imperfect, as we all are, and give them a little grace. You may also need it someday.