Monday, April 28, 2014

Keep your heart open, you're never too old to make new friends

One of my inner circle friends is Jenn. I met Jenn a few years ago (while in my late 30's)when she came in to my office for an interview. I happened to be the interviewer. Thinking back, it makes me smile... She came in and sat down in my office. I began asking the traditional questions and she began telling me her goals and dreams and plans for her life, all in her cute southern drawl. I immediately liked her energy and enthusiasm. She, like me, is a big thinker, a dreamer, and has the desire to be a world changer.

She got started with our company, and I had the privilege to be her trainer. While training her, there was a lot of one on one time that allowed us to get to know one another. One of my qualities, not quite sure if it's a good or bad one all the time, is that I am pretty much an open book. If I connect with someone, and feel I can trust them, I open up very quickly. Jenn and I both have that quality, so very quickly we knew many of each others deep dark secrets.

It was so easy to become friends with Jenn, that I forget sometimes that she is almost a decade my junior. As I am closing the gap on becoming an empty nester fairly soon, she is planning her family. We had our first grandson before they had one of their own. Jenn and her husband Jake are actually closer to our oldest kids age then mine and my husbands. Yet, the connection is so perfect, it's just not an issue. My husband, Chris is a bit tough when it comes to "couples friendships". He can be a bit reserved with opening himself up. Yet from the first time we hung out with Jenn and Jake, he liked them both! Jake and Chris have become friends and I love that!!

One of the amazing things that attracts people to Jenn is that she is a sincere giver. She gives without expectation of getting anything back. She is always willing to help. I can think of so many examples that she has honestly melted my heart with her generosity.

After being friends with Jenn for a little over a year, she called me a few nights before Christmas and asked me what I was doing, I told her I was running to Wal-Mart to pick a few things up, she said she was on her way there too and maybe we would run into each other. After shopping for a few things, we happened to be walking out together and she said, "Come here, I have something for you." I walked to her car and she pulled out a big bag and said "Merry Christmas". I knew right away what it was... a quilt. Jenn makes beautiful quilts and I was blessed with a very special one... A few months prior we were talking about Christmas traditions and I had mentioned that ever since my kids were little, we have read them the book 'T'was The Night Before Christmas' on the night before Christmas. Jenn found fabric with the entire story written out on it. She made it into an amazingly beautiful quilt that I will keep forever. The last few Christmases, we have read the quilt in lieu of the actual book as a new tradition with our Grandson.
our daughters and grandson reading the quilt

In a previous blog, I discussed party friends. Jenn is definitely one of my party friends!!  I believe anyone can show up to something major, a wedding, graduation, baby shower, bachelorette party, etc... Real friends though, come early to help, stay late to assist with the clean up, and even may be there to help plan. Shortly after meeting Jenn, we had a baby shower for our daughter, Niki. Jenn had only met her once at that time, yet, I invited her to the shower. She showed up early to help, and brought one of Niki's favorite gifts, a hand made diaper bag, in the color scheme of the nursery, that she made herself...that's putting thought into it! Since then, we have invited her to our grandsons birthdays, my sons sobriety celebration party, my 40th birthday and other gatherings....Not only have I learned that Jenn is someone that I can count on showing up, she is also someone I know will call ahead to offer to come early to help, or ask "What else do you need, is there anything you would like for me to pick up?" It is always so much appreciated. She is a true party friend!

Jenn's generosity, as I said earlier has melted my heart. About six months ago, I was going through a pretty major family crisis and had gotten into a bit of a funk. Jenn called me one day to check on me and I honestly spilled my guts. I told her I was feeling really down and hurt physically, emotionally and mentally, and all I wanted (as most women do) is a day at a spa.. a massage, facial, pedicure and manicure. I wasn't in any way seriously asking for these things, just voicing my misery and my desire.
hiking while getting spoiled at the spa

About a week later, Jenn calls me and says, I need you to give me a weekend that you can get away, for the entire weekend. Then she said, don't ask any questions, that's all I am telling you. She is kind of bossy so I did as she said. I had a sneaking suspicion that Jenn took me seriously and knowing her generosity thought maybe we were going to a hotel with a spa available. Did she ever blow me away!?!  She picked me up and couldn't contain her excitement any longer... She showed me the brochure of the place we were going. A freaking spa retreat in the middle of rural Minnesota, a place to be pampered, with yoga and fitness classes, four different spa treatments, hiking trails, with breakfast, lunch and dinner served to our liking. I have never experienced anything like that before. We had an amazing time. I was able to let go of the stress for the weekend and allow myself to be pampered. We took selfies, we giggled like little girls and were treated like princesses. I couldn't stop thanking her. I don't know if I ever will be able to thank her enough for giving me exactly what I needed at that time in my life. Someday I hope to repay her as much.

The crazy thing about Jenn is that she has said to me on numerous occasions that she doesn't feel like women like her, and that she feels judged. I just can't fathom that, unless it's out of envy or jealousy. What I see is a sweet and generous soul that wants to be treated the way she treats others. Yet, she has this tough girl persona sometimes, (I call it her hard candy shell) to protect her sincere southern sweetness. There's something about that specifically that I relate to, or connect with. I guess that is what friendship is about though, finding commonality, a true connection.

Jenn has had her share of rough times over the past few years with some pretty serious physical issues and most recently infertility issues. Ever since I met her I knew she would make an amazing mother and have prayed for their wishes to come true. After a failed attempt at IVF, hopes were down, yet she seemed to stay positive and be happy for all those around her getting pregnant and making baby shower gifts to spoil them with. I was in awe with her strength and positive outlook.

So, when I received a text after midnight one night from her a couple months ago with a pic of a positive pregnancy test, I couldn't be any happier than if it were my own!! She, more than anyone I know, deserves this blessing and I am so excited to shower her with gifts and love and parties. For those who spoil others need their time to be spoiled too!

I am so thankful that Jenn started as a work friend, became a party friend and a family friend and is now most certainly my soul sister. I adore her and am so blessed to have her in my life.

Be blessed~ Geli

Friday, April 25, 2014

It's all about who you party with!!

I have heard, and also said a few times that the friends you "party" with aren't really true friends, but mere acquaintances, or "fair weather friends".. and honestly, throughout my life I have had my share of party friends where that rings true.

Looking back, I realize that I have had many separate groups of friends, as I am sure is the case for many people. I have had neighborhood friends, work friends, school friends, theater friends, family friends, friends that I have met due to our kids being friends, and yes...party friends. Many times there was an overlap between the groups. Some of my school friends I ended up working with and even partying with.  Yet some, you just want to keep in their own special category. Not necessarily because they aren't real friends, but possibly because they may not mesh with the other groups well.  Obviously, the more overlapping one friend has, the more likely, they will become a true friend, a BFF... a soul sister.

I was thinking the other day about my current inner circle and it's interesting to me how we just connect with certain people, some over a long period of time, and some very quickly.
My inner circle is filled with a handful of interwoven relationships. These are the soul sisters that I open up to, that I call in a crisis... or if I just want to meet for coffee or a drink. These are the women that, not only would I invite to a birthday or graduation party, shower, wedding, or house warming party... they're also the ones who would be invited to "the test came back cancer-free party" or the "I don't know what to do now that I'm an empty nester" party. I believe that these ladies are my inner circle friends because they, most of them anyway, not only know of each other but have spent time with the others, due to a commonality... me. They are my friends. Some of them were friends before I came along, many of them met through me, and now are friends. That is why they are my friends...they are accepting, and welcoming, they are inclusive, not exclusive.

I have a handful of other friends, acquaintances and coworkers that I also love dearly, yet these women have a special place in my heart. They are my party friends.

In life we go though one crisis after another. I am sure you have heard the cliché that states that we are either coming out of a crisis, in the midst of one, or headed for one. Friends, our real friends are usually the ones that we celebrate with, grieve with and sometimes, just be present with and for each other.  I have attended a few close friends' "divorce papers finally signed" parties  and have also taken a friend for a "girls night out" when she found out about an untimely and very unexpected pregnancy.

Friendship isn't always convenient and there are times when all I want is to sit home and relax with my family. I am definitely not the "night on the town" girl that I once was! The thing is, sometimes it's not about how YOU feel, or how I feel... it's about making someone else feel special, and feel important. The friendships that ride the storm are the ones that are together not just during the happy times but more importantly, who stays by your side amidst your life falling apart, your own fault or not.

When my son had his two years sobriety celebration, these are the women I invited, along with family...they came to celebrate because they were there for the hard times. Our true friends are there for us in the midst of crisis, we must make sure to remember to invite them to our moments of blessing and celebration also. And always remember, convenient or not, on good hair days and bloated days, when your friends need you, when they reach out to you whether for a hug or to celebrate, memories are being made. You don't want to be remembered as the one who always bails out, or never follows through, you want to be the one that is the first on the invite list to the party! Because without you, a "my kid is finally out of diapers" party isn't a party!

Be blessed~ Geli